News in Brief - Sept 20, 2012

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON, DC. After an exhaustive investigation into the “Fast & Furious” scandal United States Attorney General Eric Holder announced that he has cleared Eric Holder of any involvement or wrongdoing. One minor figure has been made to resign but the Department of Justice has not released his name.

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(Associated Posers) - WASHINGTON DC. The US government has now officially labeled the Benghazi embassy tragedy that left 4 dead as a terrorist attack, but have not said whether it is linked to the notorious TEA Party. One official said it might possibly be Al Qaeda linked but said this was considered unlikely because Islam is a wonderful, peaceful religion.

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(Associated Posers) – Mitt Romney is taking small polling leads in several swing states despite being caught on video sounding like a conservative. The doctored video was universally hailed as evidence of the demise of the Romney campaign because he cited facts. The poll leads, even with oversampling of Democrats, shows that swing states are inherently racist.

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(Associated Posers) – For the thirtieth time since President Obama, praise Allah, became President the economic recovery has turned the corner. Reports suggest that the economy has finally reached the bottom, leaving no where to go but up. This is good news for those record number of people out of work.

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(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC. Between fundraisers with Jay-Z and Beyonce and appearing on TV talk shows like “The View” and “David Letterman” and meeting a pirate in the Oval Office, the President has no time to meet with Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu to try and bring peace to the region. He will, however, meet with the head of the Muslim Brotherhood and try harder to squeeze in some national security briefings.