(Associated Posers) - CAIRO, Egypt - Egyptian Minister of Antiquities, Zahi Hawass, revealed this morning an ancient shred of papyrus. He announced that for the past 6 months this scrap of papyrus has been studied by some of the leading archaeologists.
"Due to the controversial nature of the contents, we have been extremely meticulous and we have documented everything" Zahi Hawass said at the press conference held near his office "The paper, the ink and even the writing all point to the same result"
Less than a week after another scrap of ancient text was falsely said to have mentioned a wife of Jesus, the authorities are being extra careful. Sources indicated a great debate had taken place behind the scenes of the Egyptian Antiquities Ministry about delaying the announcement because of the hoax.
Zahi Hawass continued "This ancient scrap of manuscript dates back to around the year 1965 AD. This is what we believe the text actually says..."
“By… some experts feel that food shortages will have escalated the present level of world hunger and starvation into famines of unbelievable proportions. Other experts, more optimistic, think the ultimate food-population collision will not occur until the decade of the 1980s.”
• Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist
Zahi Hawass explained the significance of this find. "The Prophet Paul is known to have made many prophecies for a small sect, not well known in history, that we call the Cult of Menda City. They had many such prophets and the Prophet Paul was one of the greater of these."
Asked what happened to the Cult of Menda City Zahi Hawass tried to evade the question before answering "It was one of many Earth worshipping cults, they come and go but the never really go away, no matter how often their leaders are wrong. Once upon a time there was the Prophet Paul, who begot the Prophet Watts who begot the Prophet Ted Danson who begot the Prophet Al... after that we lose track and they sort of fade"
Asked if this cult had been consistent on any part of their theology and Zahi Hawass answered with a resounding "Yes". Then he explained.
"They were known as doomsayers. They said the sky was falling and begged the people of the villages to give them coin and treasure to save the world. Later they foretold great tidal waves and floods and swarms of locusts. After every drought and infestation they would point and exclaim: See! It is the end of the world, you must empower and enrich us to save you all" Zahi Hawass then pauses with a laugh and finishes "They once claimed the oceans would die, or the Earth would freeze and then that the Earth would get too hot. Always something extreme. Always the same solution even when the problem was vastly different: Give us power and control and wealth"
In conclusion Zahi Hawass said that while those who sought fortune and power by doomsaying would always be with us as long as there were simple-minded people who would believe it, that they were and are nothing more than con artists. So in the end it is a scrap of papyrus from long ago that was an attempt to scaremonger people into giving up their fortune and liberty.
Artists Rendering of Prophet Paul