Monday, December 17, 2012

True Horror Story Behind Rudolph Revealed

You heard the story: "Then one foggy Christmas Eve"... Santa asked Rudolph to guide his sleigh. What they don't tell you is that it really was just one and only one, Christmas Eve. Afterward Santa took delivery of a highly advanced, nuclear-powered sleigh delivery vehicle.

This is the inside word from of the reindeer involved, Blitzen.

"This solved all the problems Santa had of course, the problem is that all of us reindeer were out of a job.

Once Rudolph had broken tradition, all the traditions were thrown out. Elf magic was augmented by GPS navigation and on-board radar. His old-fashion spectacles were replaced with helmet-mounted night-vision HUD."

Blitzen says this was the beginning of the end for the North Pole Reigndeer Squad "Santa had always wanted to deliver in North Korea. It's hard not to have sympathy for the people in a prison state like that. The problem was it wasn't on the route, he tasked us reindeer to scout it one year, so that he could add it to the next years' itinerary."

"When the time came we all flew in formation, high enough to see the Yalu River from above Seoul. We're reindeer, so North Korean radar couldn't possibly pick us up. We didn't realize at the time that Rudolph was lit up like an AWACS. That nose."

"We didn't realize until Donner exploded and fell into the darkness below. A Chinese-built copy of the Russian 9K22 Tunguska firing SA-19 missiles had taken him out. We scrambled and dived low. Rudolph tried to turn his nose off, but he was panicky and couldn't control it."

Blitzen broke down at this point. "We lost a lot of good reindeer that night. Not just Donner but Dasher, Dancer and Vixen. Vixen, she was my good friend. It was a disaster from the get-go. I ordered Rudolph to head at top speed north to the Yalu River into China while we all went to the northeast towards the ocean passing Wonsan".

"It was bad. Donner went down near Sariwon, we heard later that Kim Jong-eun ate a dinner of reindeer steak to gloat in his victory. Just disgusting. Vixen went down around Anju as we were taking evasive action."

"Rudolph? I was real sore with him for a long time, but we never heard from him again. There were reports of a shoot-down near Kanggye but they were unconfirmed. I think Rudolph went into hiding, I mean, I don't blame him."

"The North Pole Reindeer Squad was officially disbanded. We are all officially unemployed or retired. Sure, elves clean the stalls and feed us 3 squares a day but it's not the same as being out there. I really miss those guys, especially Vixen of course. They went down in action, they died heroes. The rest of us old reindeer will just die old and gamey"

"Well, that is the real story of what happened. I wish it was jollier"

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Deny Obama A Participation Trophy

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC – The moderate Republicans who look for any excuse, no matter how flimsy to join the Democrats on any issue are “troubled” by the inability of Susan Rice and this administration to offer a reason to forget about Benghazi. This administration does not care to attempt to offer any plausible reasoning for its bald-faced lies to the American people for two weeks after the terrorist strike against the US mission in Benghazi, Egypt.

Immediately after the terrorist attack this administration attempted to place the blame on a youtube video for “inflaming” Muslims and said that a protest against the video got out of hand and turned violent. Now we know that this President was told within a day or two that there was no protest against the video. Indeed, he was told straight up that this was a planned and executed terror strike.

So why did this administration and their media minions continue to trot out the lie that this had something to do with an online video? Why did Susan Rice get the order to appear on the Sunday morning talk shows to blame the video instead of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton? Did Hillary refuse to do the lying that Susan Rice was all too happy to do?

While the President blamed a video, even standing in front of the United Nations declaring “the future does not belong to those who blaspheme Islam”, he knew and had known the truth for weeks.

White House spokesperson Jay Carney said today that the President is “not particularly concerned” about whether or not Susan Rice mislead the American people.

He also doesn't seemed to concerned about a lot of things. He seems to believe that showing up and giving a speech will solve problems. Like the devastation that Sandy left behind in New York and New Jersey. It has been nearly a month and many people still wait for the “immediate help” they were promised.

It's okay. He was given a participation trophy for showing up. Governor Chris Christie and NYC Mayor Bloomberg lavished him with praise for his “response to the storm” before he had done anything more than show up for an hour and make a speech.

That is also how he got his Nobel Award. He didn't have to actually do anything to “earn” that, he just showed up. It was sort of like a Nobel Participation Trophy.

When it comes to the so-called “fiscal cliff” which is a euphemism for “holy crap, we can't afford this, let's pretend to fix this” he will doubtlessly show up and demand a trophy. He won't actually do a thing to fix the economic problems that his policies are making worse, but he will give a speech and look to be lavished with praise as if he had.

It is long past time to take off the training wheels and for the media to actually get interested in making this President act like a grown up. It is high time for the press to stop handing out those daily certificates of merits and little gold stars to this White House for simply being present. It is high time those Republicans in Congress who still have a spine stand up and say it like it is.

“No More Trophies for Showing Up!!”

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Soy Ice Cream Shop Shuts Down

(Associated Posers) -EAST VILLAGE, New York City-The shop was called "Stogo" which meant "Soy To Go". They made ice cream out of all natural, non-dairy, gluten-free ingredients like soy and hemp. The store location was on fashionable Second Avenue in the East Village.

"We are all lactose intolerant and vegan" said customer Diega Rodriguez "I'm sad to see it go, I just don't see how it failed really"

Owner Juni Ishimori wouldn't admit to how much the rent is in the high-rent neighborhood but said that sales were up before Sandy hit. "That pretty much killed the business" she said "Customers just stopped coming".

October was a good month, with higher than expected sales, but the shop still could not afford to pay the rent. "Sandy was the last nail in the coffin" Ishimori admitted. So, no more Soycolate Toffee Deluxe, no more Hempside Hammer, no more Melamine-Free Melon Cream, Milkless Berry Boobs and no more No Nut Nutty Nabobs for the customers.

"Often customers would just come by to say hello" Junie Ishimori said, trying to look cheerful but with a look that expressed the idea that saying hello didn't add a penny to the bottom line. "My back up plan is a lesbian coffee shop in the Bronx" she said "We won't charge, we'll let the customers decide how much it was worth"

"This is much more important than Twinkies" she said "I just don't understand how we could fail. We got huge debts, haven't the politicians always said that debt creates jobs? Well, here are nine more jobs that vanished. Apparently spending money you don't have isn't very stimulating at all"

After catching her breath she decides to take a different tack. "I blame Sandy. Sure we couldn't pay the rent in October, sure it made no sense to have nine employees with my customer base, but I'll blame the storm if anyone asks. I'll not sound unpatriotic to President Obama."

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Detroit Urban Renewal "Impossible"

(Associated Posers) - DETROIT, Michigan - Large portions of the city are abandoned, many large buildings are delapidated and not worth repairing according to a report from Coopers & Lie-brand Consulting. The city of Detroit faces a bleak future as its population dwindles, as does it's tax base.

"It's a death spiral" said Urban Planner Douglas Spikes "Nobody wants to admit or talk about it, not the Mayor, not the City Council".

Flashy television commercials and half-time concerts at Detroit Lions games don't change the fact that the city that has fallen so far from its heyday in the 1920's is not finished falling yet.

"General Motors and Chrysler got massive bailouts from the federal government, but both companies are cutting back production in this country, especially this city" said one financial analyst "It is not a good idea to put all your eggs in one basket, and the result is obvious"

Large parts of the city are almost completely vacant but instead of trying to repair and upgrade existing buildings, some want to build new condo's out of shipping containers.

Angela Morse, a nurse at Detroit Central Hospital says "It's like something out of a horror movie. Imagine living in shipping containers while one of the worlds great cities literally crumbles around you".

"The city is broke" said City Financial Analyst Ted Stephens "We might be able to save money by turning off street lights and cutting back police patrols and fire department protection but the fact is even those marginal things are tough to do with a unionized workforce"

While the school system considers paying parents to come and pick up report cards or paying kids to show up, they also want to have welfare benefits cut off from those families who are truant. "It's a real carrot and stick approach. It probably sounds extreme to most Americans, but in this city extreme is the only way to be noticed" said school counselor Meghan Williams.

Douglas Spikes answers calls for "urban renewal" by saying "In this city, urban renewal means razing entire blocks and leaving them vacant. In this city urban renewal means abandoning entire neighborhoods to lawless gangs and low-lifes. Anyone thinking we can repair these problems without making this city attractive to private investment again is delusional"

"The money just isn't there yet there is a very organized resistance to any kind of logical reforms.." by which Douglas Spikes refers to the Michign Welfare Rights Organization that is fighting tooth and nail to keep residents from paying the going rate for water service.

The MWRO acts as a clearinghouse for Detroit residents to keep recieving "all the welfare benefits they deserve". With it's own radio program on WHPR and a corps of activists the organization fights for every penny of welfare dollars from every source.

"Sooner or later the money is going to run out" Spikes says "and these people who are dependent on the system are going to be left to fend for themselves, yet will be the least able to do so. If you think supporting yourself and your family is filling out welfare forms, how are you going to find food when there is none"

Sunday, November 18, 2012

A Labor Victory Over Hostess

RADIO TRANSCRIPT. Joe Label has bakers' union boss Frank Hurt on the show

HOST: "Welcome back to Union Talk Radio, I'm your host Joe Label, our guest this hour is Bakery, Confectionary, Tobacco and Grain Millers Union President Frank Hurt. First I want to congratulate you guys are a major victory this week, taking down Hostess all the way to liqudation! Brilliant job"

FRANK HURT: "Thank you Joe, yes, it was a magnificient victory indeed for the workers of this country. A great victory for organized labor! A god day for America and our future."

HOST: "What does the demise of Hostess mean to you?"

FRANK HURT: "It means that big business and corporations cannot continue to exploit the working class without consequences. It means that we have shown that labor still has the power and should have a seat at OUR TABLE, not theirs during negotiations"

HOST: "So, this is a warning to corporations all over America?"

FRANK HURT: "Yes it is. We refuse to be slaves for the bottom line. We refuse to work for piddling wages while the fatcats take home millions to their mansions on golf resorts. We can no longer be treated like indentured servants"

HOST: "First caller, on the Teamster line, we have Mac Johnson. Welcome to the show, Mac, what's on your mind?"

CALLER: "Unemployment. I drove a truck for Hostess, we Teamsters saw the bottom line, and the company was dead broke. We took their deal, because we wanted to keep our jobs. Now we have thousands of union brothers without jobs, without any support. Your a one percenter Mr. Hurt, you make a quarter million a year off the back of union members, are you going to feed my family and pay my rent? You put us out of job and now you celebrate from your fatcat offic.........." [dial tone]

HOST: "We seemed to have lost that call. You must have a bad cell there, Mac. I couldn't really make out what he was saying anyway."

FRANK HURT: "No matter what anyone says, we achieved a great victory over exploitation. We have defeated "The Man" and by any measure, this was a true and impression victory for the working class"

HOST: "We have another caller, from Orlando Florida and it's one of your boys, Frank. We have Juan Rodriguez, hola Juan!"

CALLER: "Yes, I worked at the Marita plant. We stood strong and brave against the onslaught of corporate greed. The local Union representative told us that if Hostess is forced to liquidate another company would buy it and give us our jobs at our normal pay and benefits, how long will this take?"

FRANK HURT: "Well, obviously we cannot and did not promise that another company would reopen the plant and give you your normal pay and benefits back. That isn't even the point anyway, what you and your brothers did was to drive a stake through the heart of exploitative capitalist pigs, and you should be proud"

CALLER: "The thing is, Mr. Hurt, I need a job. I've been striking for months, the unemployment benefits are running out, how am I supposed to feed my kids? and my wife, she's like HUGE, you know?"

FRANK HURT: "Eggs need to be broken to make omelets, Juan, we have to keep our eyes on the big picture."

CALLER: "Also, do I need to keep paying dues? I'm pretty broke right now, being unemployed and all..."

FRANK HURT: "Of course, it is always important. It should be your top priority to keep paying your dues. You have to support the movement, Juan, it is more important than anything, even eating. You have to see the big picture. We are winning and soon, nobody will be exploited again because of what you and your brothers did."

HOST: "That is touching and inspirational, Mr. Hurt. You are an awesome role model for every exploited worker in America. Now we have one last caller, Andrew McCall, welcome to the show Andrew!"

CALLER: "Mr. Hurt, companies across America are cutting hours and jobs to avoid penalties and mandates in ObamaCare. How are we supposed to get new good paying jobs when they just don't seem to exist anymore?"

FRANK HURT: "These corporations and businesspeople have proved themselves unpatriotic and disloyal to their own workers. Where is loyalty in the workplace these days? This government must clamp down and punish these companies for doing what they do. In a perfect world we would all strike and shut them all down, only then will Americans be free of exploitation, when there are no companies left!"

CALLER: "Then what? Sounds like we'd starve..."

HOST: "That's all we have time for today, we'll be back tomorrow with Richard Trumpka and he will explain to us how to help Obama subdue the capitalist system! Onward Union Brothers!"

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Lemonade Mogul Targeted by Government Nannies

(Associated Posers) - Ganes, Idaho - April McAffee thought making and selling lemonade would be a good summer time business in the factory town of Ganes, Idaho. Her and some friends decided to corner the market and open locations all over town, word spread and antipation built. The local media had covered the event and even Mayor Valerie Jones said she planned to be at the opening of April's 4th street location.

"The kids said they wanted to do this to make a little money toward college and it just ballooned, the whole town was excited" Mayor Jones said.

The whole town had gotten in the mood for lemonade until the visits by IRS and OSHA investigators. They prodded the city and county attorneys not to ignore local ordinances on street side vendors, just because they were kids. Meanwhile the IRS began issuing citations concerning unpaid labor of children and their parents.

"Apparently all the hoopla, as far as the IRS agents was concerned, had turned this into a commercial business" The Mayor explained "They were also insisting that the city enforce ordinances that would regulate these lemonade stands".

City Attorney Reed Callahan told Associated Posers "We relunctantly agreed that it was not proper to exempt a business simply because it was run by children or because they were going to be temporary in nature."

Adult supporters covered the $165 temporary business permit fee while other regulations forced the kids to reduce the number of locations from two dozen to a half dozen. Portable refrigerators had to be used to please the county health standards, and this cost money as well. The number of her friends, family and schoolmates involved had to be lowered from more than a hundred to under fifty, or April McAffee would need to buy health insurance for her unpaid workforce, as per "Obamacare".

"These government officials have taken something fun that had the whole town excited about participating and made it a reminder to all what is wrong with this country" Mayor Jones said "This reflects badly on the city, the county and the federal government and how we relate to the citizens"

"We recieved complaints from local merchants concerned about the possible loss of business due to unfair competition" said the Chief IRS Officer in Idaho "Obviously government should not cater to one business at the expense of competitors, it creates an uneven playing field It is wrong to give one competitor an advantage in the market simply as a political favor, and it looked to us like Miss April McAffee has some friends in high places"

Meanwhile April McAffee was daunted by the task of filing the appropriate health and tax documents concerning where she obtained her supplies and how much was spent for them.

"I won't be able to make and sell lemonade for more than 28 hours a week or I'll have to buy health insurance" April said "I thought I was covered by dad's policy, but I was told this might not count if I was classified as self-employed"

This left her dispirited lemonade business idea abandoned. She appeared on the local city-owned cable channel with the mayor saying she might start a car wash as a charity. Within hours the local representatives of the EPA and the state Water Conservation Board began calling the mayor for more information.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Backlash Against Layoffs Conspiracy Rises

(Associated Posers) – NEW YORK CITY – As a wave of layoffs sweeps the country, some observers are critical of businesses that cite new rules and regulations as reasons for the cut backs. Restaurant chains such as Applebee's, Red Lobster, Olive Garden and Papa John's have all announced plans to cut worker hours to below the 30-hour threshold for ObamaCare regulations kicking in.

Gorden Systems, which manufacturers plastic pipe, says it will layoff 40 of it's 79 employees, the rest will see reductions in work hours. John Gorden, founder and President explained “This is a very unfortunate situation. The cost of doing business under the new policies rise to being prohibitive and all businesses have to cope with it. We are transferring a lot of our manufacturing to our Mexico affiliate”.

Meanwhile Caterpillar, which manufactures heavy machinery, is also cutting back while building a massive facility in Mexico. Thousands of jobs are on the line there. These are just the tip of the iceberg as hundreds of companies have already announced layoff plans and workhour reductions. Many will institute changes without public pronouncements.

“The fact is that every business in America is affected” said Kay Stanton of Stanton Consulting “The cost of doing business and the way employees are hired will all change. For many retail operations it will make economic sense to hire 2 part timers instead of a full timer with benefits. It will be cheaper to get 60 work hours out of 2 people than 40 work hours from one”.

Meanwhile critics have risen. Shanelle Quandra Lee Hamsptead of the United City Alliance says this simply proves that capitalists and big business hate the poor. “This is all racism and classism. The excuse of “economics” is so much joo-joo. The Obama administration must ban companies from making these kinds of changes. I don't care if they all lose money, they must provide the jobs this country needs”

The Reverend Joe Jessie Johnson agrees, saying “Economics and profitability is the biggest sin facing this country. If a business must lose money to do the right thing, then it should lose money. It is their patriotic duty! It is also a moral duty.”

The liberal Move Forward Campaign for America says it is already drafting proposals for laws that would outlaw layoffs. “Economic need is not good enough. This country re-elected Barack Obama for the purpose of moving this country beyond economics and we must follow through. For the sake of everyone in this country and our future, we must abolish the pursuit of profits”.

Shanelle Hampstead also reminded her Facebook followers that “Need is a higher calling than Math. Those who work have a moral obligation to continue funding the programs this country depends on, they must never be allowed to stop doing this. It is treason to stop paying taxes just because your business loses money”

The conservative Taxed Too Much League decries such talk as “Idiocy. They are attempting to deny reality and basic math. Talk of overcoming economics is silly, it will lead to nothing but poverty and privation on an unimaginable scale.”

The Reverend Joe Johnson says the answer is prayer. “We must pray for an end to the notion that one must be exploited in order to “earn” a living. A living shouldn't be earned, it was given to us as a gift from God. They have stolen our existence and we are taking it back”.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Election Aftermath: Layoffs Coming

(Associated Posers) – Staten Island, NY - Hanna Dugaway stood in knee-deep water as she announced her vote for Barack Obama. A week after hurricane Sandy came through she is still waiting for FEMA to bring an MRE, “Meals Ready to Eat”.

“He looked very Presidential” she said “That is really the image I had when I voted, or maybe I was just close to starvation but the Democrats were giving food to their voters, so it was an easy choice”


The aftermath of the re-election of President Barack Obama was immediate as dozens of companies announced large-scale layoffs. Restaurant chains like Red Lobster and Olive Garden announced plans to only hire part-time workers for less than 30 hours a week. A solar glass company in Las Vegas employing 114 announced it was letting 22 people go.

“It no longer makes any economic sense to expand or hire more employees” said the CEO, David Charleston “It costs less to hire two part-timers for 30 hours each than one person for 40 hours because of these new rules”

Companies from Medtronics to Boeing announced layoffs on or after Election Day. Chrysler-Jeep is seriously considering moving operations to Europe and Asia. The United States has the highest corporate taxes on the planet, analysts said, add on the harsh regulatory environment and unpredictability of the government policies and it is not a good place to do business.

Also announced were new coal restrictions that could lead to much higher electricity prices. “It's an indirect tax on the people of this country, government making the prices of everything go up”

Meanwhile at the end of the year the “Bush tax cuts” expire and if they are not renewed the lowest tax bracket could see rates go from 10 to 15%.

“I guess the liberals in this country now see someone making $35,000 a year as filthy rich” said a GOP advisor sarcastically “All you hear about is taxes on the wealthy, but do other people not pay for gas or electricity or food? The Presidents policies are making the prices of those items increase enormously while it will soon be hard to find a job. Don't worry though, if you can't buy health insurance, you'll just have to pay a fine.”

“Apparently, the President won re-election because women decided that someone else should pay for their birth control pills” said Election Data Analysis head Autumn Greenberg “The pills you can get for $9 a month at Wal-Mart are too expensive for them? Do they not think that skyrocketing prices, falling incomes and no full time employment might also be pretty expensive?”

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Obama: Pre-Election Interview

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC – President Obama is no math whiz. He let's Michele Obama carry the credit cards and make most of the important buying decisions. This became much easier when they got to the White House and the budget became pretty much unlimited.

“I am a math dummy” the President explained “I can't even help the kids with their homework. Thank goodness we have Elena Kagan around to tutor them these days”

Running for President in 2008 he told an NPR station that under his plans, electricity rates would “necessarily” skyrocket. The friendly media immediately understood that this was something that could hurt his election chances and hushed it up, along with his cigarette habit.

“Thank goodness for my friends in the media” he said on the eve of re-election “Without their help I would never even come close to getting re-elected. I will reward my friends and punish my enemies in my second term, that is a promise”

On Medicare: “Sure cutting the amount we pay doctors might have an impact, but we also have penalties for those doctors and hospitals who don't like it and try to work around it.”

Asked if there could be negative causes and effect from cutting reimbursement rates the President shrugged “I don't care. I think we did the right thing, older people should understand that sometimes it makes no sense to get a new hip at their age”

On the deficit: “We've had deficits for decades, it's not a big deal. $16 trillion is chump change, and it is not an immediate problem for this generation. It might be a problem for Greece and Europe and other countries but that is only because they didn't have good leaders like this country and France or Venezuela”

Congress: “I'm not worried about dealing with Congress in a second term. I will rule by Executive Order. We don't need Congress anymore. I can and will govern without Congress. Out with the old and in with the new. Congress has abdicated it's powers to the executive branch and now they have no more.”

On Chrysler: “It is a bit sad that Chrysler and Jeep will probably move their operations to other countries, just like it is sad that most new General Motors vehicles are made in foreign countries but that is the price this country pays for not having high enough taxes and strong enough regulations.”

On Hurricane Sandy: “I was there, I took a picture with a woman and I flew to Vegas. I am extremely happy to have seen a polling bounce from that act. Give FEMA a few weeks and they will have food and water and gasoline going smoothly.”

On Benghazi: “Look, I don't want to talk about this. My lawyers tell me not to talk about it. All I will say that we took swift action the day after the militants went into that compound. I don't think we could have done anything differently in the midst of a campaign.”

Plans for a second term: “Well, you know the Bush tax cuts expire. That alone will have a wonderful on the economy. People will be sending more money to Washington and this is always a good thing and makes government wealthier, which is the whole point. This will allow us to hire more bureaucrats and control more of your life. I have some new mandates ready to go. We will mandate what percentage of your grocery bill will go to fruits and vegetables, we will mandate that everyone join a health club or buy an exercise device like a treadmill, we can do these things under the so-called “ObamaCare” law that was passed through my leadership.”

Green Energy Loans: "Look, I understand that some people have a problem with the government giving money to failing corporations. Especially when those companies don't have a marketable product. I also know how it looks that sometimes they fail anyway and the high-ranking executives who donate to my campaign walk away with a lot of money. I just want to stress that supporting green technologies is important for the future. Mine included."

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Election Prediction: Victors of the Battleground State Spoils

(Associated Posers) – ANALYSIS - There are states that will almost always go Democrat or Republican even if those parties nominated a rock or a ham sandwich. The balance of the Electoral Votes come from the so-called “Battleground States” that can be swayed by either party. They may be swayed by good looks, tender words or promises of government pork but they always make sure to run up the price at auction.

Nevada – (6 Electoral Votes) Harry Reid and his union pals have a lock on the state. Although Barack Obama early in his first term excoriated Las Vegas and more or less encouraged a boycott, the unions of casino workers backed him anyway, even fining and threatening union members to vote properly in 2010 to keep Harry running the US Senate. Obama wins Nevada.

New Hampshire- (4 Electoral Votes) Formerly a conservative-leaning bastion surrounded by left-wing “people's republics”, this state has become home to many refugees from the same left-wing states as people escape from liberalism, only to continue to vote for what they ran away from, that is why Barack Obama wins New Hampshire.

Colorado - (9 Electoral Votes) Colorado has its cities of leftwingerism but recently it has gone to pot, literally. The drug addled minds of Coloradans cannot handle the ability to reason logically and they like laughing at Obama's big ears when he is on TV. Barack Obama wins Colorado.

Florida - (29 Electoral Votes) A state with a lot coastline full of imported freaks, winter liberals and old people. The state where voters confuse Al Gore and Pat Buchanan and a lot of people who speak Spanish have nothing to do with Mexico, somehow usually picks conservatives in Presidential elections will do it again. Mitt Romney wins Florida

North Carolina - (15 Electoral Votes) A state one could call bi-polar. One year they could elect a weird liberal Governor (who is ashamed to share a history with South Carolina), then send a moderate Republican to the Senate, host the Democrat Convention and then turn around and give a big win to the Republicans for President. This they will do in 2012. Mitt Romney wins North Carolina.

Wisconsin- (10 Electoral Votes) After a protracted budget battle, liberals failed to unseat the Governor, weakening the power of the unions. Now this normally liberal state has a “favorite son” on the Republican ticket with Paul Ryan. Ryan will bring home the bacon, or cheese, to his party. Mitt Romney wins Wisconsin.

Virginia- (13 Electoral Votes) There are a massive number of new federal employees inhabiting Northern Virginia in the DC suburbs that have moved the state ever more leftward, but the balance this time is not in their direction. The economy under Obama has gotten decidedly worse and this allows the Republicans to win this time. Mitt Romney wins Virginia.

Iowa- (6 Electoral Votes) A state with a small population that enjoys being one of the first primary states a bit too much, otherwise who would pay them any attention? Well, with massive amounts of subsidies and mandates that force ethanol into gas tanks, despite it being uneconomical and hazardous to engines and not very eco-friendly, this state will fight tooth and nail to keep their piece of the pie, that pork pie. Barack Obama wins Iowa.

Ohio- (18 Electoral Votes) While everyone in Columbus might have their own “Obamaphone” and everyone in Cleveland needs their EBT's as they watch their traditional economies crumble, not everyone in Ohio is enamored with the welfare state. You also have to wonder about the voting machines turning Romney votes into Obama votes during early voting. Coal mining is and was a major part of the economic output of this state. The President's “War on Coal” makes some wonder what industry he'll go after next. Mitt Romney wins Ohio.

At this point Mitt Romney already has 276 Electoral Votes, enough to become the next President of the United States of America.

Pennsylvania - (20 Electoral Votes) This state is the site of some of the last minute campaigning, a surprise because it was supposed to be in the pocket of President Obama. This state was not supposed to be a battleground state at all. While the state might tilt for the President in the end, the momentum is all for Romney. If Romney wins this state as well as the others, it gives him 296 Electoral Votes and would end any real chance by the Democrats to steal the election through the courts and recounts. My guess: Mitt Romney wins Pennsylvania

Friday, November 2, 2012

NY Mayor Assailed For Storm Response

(Associated Posers) – NEW YORK CITY – Mayor Michael Bloomberg is being accosted from all sides for his decision to hold the NYC Marathon as scheduled. With food and generators being diverted from the victims of Sandy, the voices of discontent have gotten louder. Residents of Staten Island say the worst hit are the most ignored.

“Even in the worst of times and in bad situations we must always allow ourselves the small pleasures, like the marathon. The marathon is truly a sport of the people, and I am sure that all of us will need a few hours break from the hard times” the mayor said.

When asked if there were any other 'good things' coming out of the disaster he answered “Calorie intake is down, people are losing weight and that is always a good thing. Soon we might be the least fat city in America”.

Borough President James Molinaro says FEMA nor the Red Cross have done much for Staten Island, the site of some of the worst devastation. He urges people not to donate their money to the Red Cross but to get resources to where it is needed the most.

“You know, I went to a shelter Monday night after the storm. People were coming in with no socks, with no shoes. They were in desperate need. Their housing was destroyed. They were crying. Where was the Red Cross? Isn’t that their function? They collect millions of dollars. Whenever there’s a drive in Staten Island, we give openly and honestly. Where are they? Where are they?”

3 large trailer-mounted generators have been diverted by the City of New York away from relief efforts to power tents for the NYC Marathon, which had not been canceled at the time of this writing. The race organizers say they are paying for the generators, they were reserved long ago.

There are reports of organized looters, home invaders dressed as electric utility workers, fights breaking out in gas lines and dumpster diving as desperate people search for food. While downtown Manhattan still has power enough to host celebrity-studded parties and movie premier events, much of the city is still struggling for basic services.

“We have to have priorities” said an event coordinator for Gala Consulting “Holding Bett Midler's Hula-ween Party and bringing James Gandolfini and Tina Fey to the big NBC event should not be canceled just because someone doesn't have a sandwich somewhere. How does canceling a spectacular, fashionable event help those people? The NBC event will raise money for the Red Cross, sure none of the rich celebrities will donate money, their being present should be enough, like with the President”.

Meanwhile Staten Island residents are beginning to wonder why they have been ignored and forgotten amidst the hurricane relief efforts. “It looks like Katrina” a woman waiting in a gas line told us “Everything is gone. It's a shattered city. Do we have to wait until after the election to be noticed?”

“In Rockaway, we have no power, no food, no water, no gas” a man said, surveying the site of a burned building “We also have no FEMA, no Red Cross. We do have fires and stagnant flood waters. This is not a fit place to be, is anyone actually paying attention? Just because there is power in Times Square doesn't mean it's all better now”

Thursday, November 1, 2012

"We're going to die" ungrateful New Yorkers Whine

After President Barack Obama's praiseworthy flyover and photo-ops, some locals are still not happy.

(Associated Posers) – NEW YORK CITY – Unsatisfied with the unbelievably great response by President Barack Obama to the devastation left by Sandy, some residents now claim they have been left for dead. 3 days after the huge storm swept through the region President Obama and FEMA have received high praise from Republicans like the Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie and the mayor of New York City Michael Bloomberg, who just endorsed the President for re-election.

In spite of this acclaim some residents of New York City claim to have been left behind to fend on their own as in a Mad Max movie.

“We’re going to die! We’re going to freeze! We got 90-year-old people!” Donna Solli told visiting officials. “You don’t understand. You gotta get your trucks down here on the corner now. It’s been three days!”

Staten Island was one of the hardest-hit communities in New York City. More than 80,000 residents are still without power. Many are homeless, and at least 19 people died on Staten Island because of the storm. Groups of people have been spotted at grocery store trash dumpsters looking for food in other parts of the city.

“I cannot believe the level of whining” one Democrat Party official as he entered a celebrity-studded party at a posh hotel near Times Square where the power is still on. “The President gave some wonderful photo-ops, hugged a lady at the airport and flew over to see the wreckage. What else can you expect?”

Staten Island resident Mike Abuzzio’s home is completely gone, with only his floor boards remaining. He, his wife and their two young daughters have been staying with relatives.

“My youngest daughter yesterday said, ‘Daddy, I want to go,’” Abuzzio told ABC News. “I told her, ‘It’s going to be awhile, hon.’ She doesn’t understand. She’s 6.”

In the rubble that was once his home, Abuzzio found one clean, intact plate of Christmas china. He said that plate will be special at Christmastime and will be used specifically for his mother’s cookies.

“This is America, not a third world nation. We need food, we need clothing,” Staten Island Borough President Jim Molinaro said today. “My advice to the people of Staten Island is: Don’t donate the American Red Cross. Put their money elsewhere.”

The Red Cross and the National Guard arrived in the area late Tuesday and are distributing food, water and gas – and city officials say things are much better.

The mayor of New York City Michael Bloomberg said everything was already improving drastically and to prove this did not cancel the New York Marathon. “There will also be a free Bruce Springstein concert. Seriously, I don't understand the problem. You just can't please some people”

Wind Farms Causing Climate Change, Study Suggests

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC - Wind farms affecting climate change. The so-called “green” technology is causing temperatures at the surface to increase, a new report finds. The new data is unlikely to influence government subsidies and regulations that promote wind turbines any time soon though.

Liming Zhou, Research Associate Professor at the Department of Atmospheric and Environmental Sciences at the University of New York, who led the study, said further research is needed into the affect of the new technology on the wider environment.

"Wind energy is among the world’s fastest growing sources of energy. The US wind industry has experienced a remarkably rapid expansion of capacity in recent years,” he said. “While converting wind’s kinetic energy into electricity, wind turbines modify surface-atmosphere exchanges and transfer of energy, momentum, mass and moisture within the atmosphere. These changes, if spatially large enough, might have noticeable impacts on local to regional weather and climate.”

The study, published in Nature, found a “significant warming trend” of up to 0.72C (1.37F) per decade, particularly at night-time, over wind farms relative to near-by non-wind-farm regions. Studying satellite weather data scientists say the change has become more obvious as wind turbines become more common especially where large wind farms exist as in China and Texas.

The study read: "Despite debates regarding the possible impacts of wind farms on regional to global scale weather and climate, modelling studies agree that they can significantly affect local scale meteorology."

Professor Steven Sherwood, co-Director of the Climate Change Research Centre at the University of New South Wales, said the research was ‘pretty solid’.

Guy Bore from the Climaxion Center for Climate Action says the new data is disturbing. “This means that physics also applies to green technologies. We were truly hoping that since the intentions were good that the weather gods would give us a break. Apparently, and this is quite distressing, the law of Conservation of Energy doesn't exempt wind turbines”.

George Adam Takei of Glory Hole Apple Orchards said the new study was not a surprise to him and many others in the industry. “We have used fans to change the temperature at orchards for decades. It can help keep apples from freezing on the margins, extending the growing season and allowing a larger harvest”.

Holding up a Red Delicious “They come out pretty as well as juicy, the kind of apples we like the most here at Glory Hole Orchards”

Government mandates and subsidies would have the number of wind turbines growing exponentially over the next decades. This large scale wind farming could bring negative affects to regions of the country.

“This needs a lot more study” said Guy Bore “If the findings hold up, it could mean drastic changes are needed in government energy policy. It would completely change the complexion of the environmental movement too”. If the study was backed up he said his organization, Climaxion, would likely begin to press for the end of any electric usage.

“Over the past decades we have come closer and closer to the idea that all usage of energy is a bad thing, but this news was disheartening. How are we going to convince the public and government officials to cut back on all energy usage? I think many people will conclude we are a bunch of kooks, but we have to do what is necessary. We don't want to be dragged back to the past where the climate was warm enough to grow vineyards in Scotland, do we? If the warming trend continues we could see the oceans become calmer, like they were when that evil man Christopher Columbus crossed the Atlantic and terrorized the so-called 'New World'. That is the kind of thing we need to stop from happening in the long term”.

Guy Bore didn't stop there. “The last thing we need is for the unwashed masses to put this story next to the story about weather and conclude that wind turbines caused Hurricane Sandy. That kind of crazy connection is something only people on our side are supposed to do”.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Surviving in New York City

(Associated Posers)- NEW YORK CITY, New York – Rodney Jackson sits in his darkened Queens apartment, huddled in blankets, listening to a portable radio given to him by a friend. He says his food supply and patience is wearing thin. The first floor of his building has a few feet of standing water.

“I have done everything I was supposed to” he says “I don't think this is how it's supposed to be”

His kitchen counter is littered with opened food cans and boxes, no chance to take out the trash and recycling with the storm raging. The power is out and Rodney wonders how his friends are doing, but he believes that the City of New York has his back.

“Big storms require big government” he says, repeating the mantra from the New York Times “But why does it have to be so slow, so inefficient, so inflexible?”

Rodney has faith that Mayor Bloomberg and President Obama will be there, delivering aid door to door, but the wait is already wearing thin. “This got old real quick” he says “I'm starting to understand my friends who went out looting last night”

Meanwhile a couple blocks away Samuel Sculley sits on the roof of an apartment building drinking coffee as a small generator sends power into his rooftop apartment. “The air has never felt so clean” he said sarcastically before the wind shifted and smoke from a fire comes.

Sculley has a well stocked supply closet, or rather the second bedroom has become a prepper's dream cupboard. “I have enough food to last me for months alone” he said “I know that the government would call me a hoarder or a possible domestic terrorist for having two soup cans to rub together, but I think a person should prepare themselves for disasters. You can't rely on others to save you”

“The subways are flooded, of course, and this hampers travel. The food stores were cleaned out by panic buyers, this leads to fear. Imagine showing up to buy food for your family and finding bare shelves, it'd be frightening. New York City is not self-sufficient, if a large scale disaster strikes, we'd probably all starve eventually” he explained “Those who didn't prepare an escape anyway”.

He wonders if New Yorkers and others didn't prepare properly because they have relied on government for so long. “I don't want to know what would happen if the EBT cards don't work in a few days. Things are bad enough as it is. Could you imagine if every place was as vulnerable as parts of this city? There wouldn't be enough help possible, thank goodness most people don't live like that, the death toll would be a lot higher than it is.”

The storm was a category 1, a weak hurricane. The size of the storm and the amount of precipitation is what got the attention. “Katrina was worse, really. If Katrina his New York City, yikes”

He says if it had been that bad he had an escape route. “I'm not going to stick around and wait for the Hunger Games to begin. People who think government is going to make everything better are the ones who sitting in the dark waiting for Nanny Vans with food to show up.” He said as he began preparing dinner of formerly frozen steak and canned vegetables.

“I am not waiting for FEMA”

Rodney Jackson and his neighbor Belinda Ramirez await word from the City on where the best shelters and feeding locations will be set up. Belinda wonders whether her sister will still get the dialysis she needs but “I haven't been able to talk to her today”.

“I went to the grocery store before it hit but everything was already gone. There was nothing left, I've never seen anything like that before. Made my stomach hurt. How can this happen? How can they let something like that happen?” Belinda Ramirez asked.

“Must have been a real shock” Rodney answered, comforting her. “It's just unreal. Unnatural to allow the stores to go empty, people gotta eat, dang hoarders!”

Meanwhile Samuel Sculley takes a different view “You have to take responsibility for your own life and your own survival. No-one else cares about you as much as you do, you will never be anyone else's highest priority in times of trouble”.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Postpone Election, Mayor Says

(Associated Posers) – Richport, Maine – Although far outside of any danger zone from hurricane Sandy the incumbent mayor of Richport, Rodney Johnstone, is calling for elections to be post-poned for several weeks. “We will be getting heavy rains, possibly hail, for days. Roads will be flooded, trees will be down. People will not be able to reach polling locations”.

The mayor is polling several points behind challenger Henry Morgan who is already confident of a victory. He says the mayor's call for delaying the election is “a ridiculous attempt to buy time”.

Sandy, which is barely a hurricane won't be making landfall anywhere near Maine and definitely not as far north as Richport. The town residents have been taking the storm in stride, although local grocers have noticed a definite uptick in sales.

“People aren't stupid” grocery store manager Dan Wilkins said “While we don't expect anything too bad, we do know how to take care of ourselves. People weren't born yesterday.”

Columnist Andy Gernstein of the Richport-based Maine Voice says the idea of delaying the election is an attempt at an “October Surprise”. He says it won't work because Richport residents won't think they are in any real danger from Sandy. The editor and publisher of the Voice, Mathew Lockhardt, who supports the mayors re-election, agrees on this issue. “Yes, I admit this is ridiculous. I hope he isn't too serious, I hope the mayor was kidding really”.

Ann Tomlinson, leader of Occupy Richport, said “Not delaying the election in the face of this massive storm, this disaster, is tantamount to stealing the election. To try and deny this reality and expect people to come out and vote in the cold, driving rain is an attempt to keep the poor and minorities from voting. Not everyone can afford a coat”.

Tomlinson was also in the news recently when she got herself arrested for defecating on a Richport municipal police car and living in the copse of trees in the median of the main road through town.

“She's nuts” said Tom's Hardware owner Tom Dugan “She lived there, between those six trees for more than a month. She had homemade signs and said she was taking it to 'the man' and carrying signs and flashing traffic. It was hideous, she ain't much to look at”.

The office of the Maine Secretary of State declined an official comment. It did say they had no intention of delaying the election.

Friday, October 26, 2012

GM Blames "Bias" for Lagging Sales, Revenue

(Associated Posers) – DETROIT – Some high-level executives are feeling down about some of the after-effects of the so-called “bailout”. They said they miscalculated public reaction in accepting the terms dictated from Washington.

“Apparently there is a bias in this country, very widespread, that people believe a business should earn its revenue by selling products or services” said one executive who requested anonymity “We were under the impression that once the people understood they were all part-owners of the company that they would take pride in it”.

Instead of rightly appreciating the government taking their money and buying up 25% of General Motors, many people were upset at having to prop-up a failing business. GM executives were totally caught off guard by the ridicule of them being called “Government Motors” and worse. Rather than taking pride that GM had taken its place alongside the Statue of Liberty and the Washington Monument as icons of the US, they were seen as corporate welfare hogs.

Since the bailout the company has shed costs by building vehicles in Mexico and other countries, ended production of some brands and closed dealerships. The company also continued to build the money-losing Chevy Volt because of the requirement of their new biggest shareholder-the government, despite bottom of the barrel sales.

“This bias that some Americans have is paradoxically hurting our effort to buy our stock back from the government. They are making it harder for us to undo what they dislike. Those who opposed to the bailout are the ones at fault for making this drag on” the unnamed official complained “These haters would rather by a second-hand Toyota or a Kia than a GM product and they are hurting the bottom line. We might need the government to solve this problem”

When asked what the government could do about consumer preferences the GM official pointed to the Supreme Court ruling that allowed government to mandate the purchase of health insurance, saying it could just as easily mandate the purchase of a car. The revenue from this forced sale could fund the giving away of vehicles to the poor.

“Being a part-owned by the government, like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac or the Postal Service might be a good solution, it would allow all kinds of interesting things to happen” he said, “We even have a sub-compact design that is environmentally friendly that could be built to give away to those too poor to buy a mandated vehicle”

The vehicle in question the Federally Approved Required Tract Rover, FART Rover, would not need to pass crash test or safety standards because semi-public GM could get those standards waived.

“We can dream up all kinds of ways to save this company” the GM official said “Unfortunately, this will only happen if the consumer bias against public ownership is overcome in this election. It won't happen if Mitt Romney wins, I think we all know that”

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Politics of a Terror Attack & Cover-Up (no satire)

It was Obama himself who denied additional security to the embassy in Benghazi, Libya not Hillary Clinton as many had suspected. New emails and documents have shown that not only did the President and the administration know that this was a terrorist attack – while it was still happening – bit that absolutely nothing was done about it. The security was denied only because it would be admitting that the world was a more dangerous place. There was an election coming up and if they admitted this, it might hurt his re-election chances.

The State Department had even issued a traveled advisory warning people that Benghazi was dangerous with real threats of political violence and assassinations in August. Yet the White House continued to allow the Benghazi mission to be almost completely undefended. Intelligence e-mails before and after the attack have surfaced that show that the situation was well known.

When Barack Obama was informed of the violence at the Benghazi mission he went to bed. The attack lasted between 6 and 8 hours. During that time, an unarmed drone was reportedly launched, allowing real-time images and video to be seen by intelligence officials and the White House. Still, nothing was done through the assault and murder of 4 Americans including Ambassador Stevens.

The next morning challenger Mitt Romney openly wondered why the administration was silent on the attack and condemned the terrorism in Benghazi Libya and why the Cairo embassy seemed to apologize to the attackers. The White House went after Romney, saying he didn't know what he was talking about. This was the first instance where the administration seemingly denied that an organized terror attack took place.

For days the Obama administration kept the attention of a compliant press on the Romney “gaffe” as they worked on their next distraction. They could not politically allow the issue to become a foreign policy disaster.

The President then boarded Air Force One for a trip to Las Vegas for a multi-million dollar fund-raiser, giving the President hours to review the information on Benghazi. If the reports of the drone over Benghazi are true, then he likely had access to that aerial video as well.

Within days the administration would be openly castigating the Youtube video “Innocence of Muslims” and blaming it for causing a large protest that turned violent in Benghazi. We now know that there was no protest in Benghazi before the attack.

On September 16, five days later, UN Secretary Susan Rice on CBS saying …

“But based on the best information we have to date, what our assessment is as of the present is in fact what began spontaneously in Benghazi as a reaction to what had transpired some hours earlier in Cairo where, of course, as you know, there was a violent protest outside of our embassy–


SUSAN RICE: –sparked by this hateful video. But soon after that spontaneous protest began outside of our consulate in Benghazi, we believe that it looks like extremist elements, individuals, joined in that– in that effort with heavy weapons of the sort that are, unfortunately, readily now available in Libya post-revolution. And that it spun from there into something much, much more violent.”

Two days later Jay Carney said “MR. CARNEY: No, I’m saying that based on information that we — our initial information, and that includes all information — we saw no evidence to back up claims by others that this was a preplanned or premeditated attack; that we saw evidence that it was sparked by the reaction to this video. And that is what we know thus far based on the evidence, concrete evidence — not supposition — concrete evidence that we have thus far”

“Based on the information that we have now, it was — there was a reaction to the video — there was protests in Cairo, then followed by protests elsewhere, including Benghazi, and that that was what led to the original unrest. The other factors here — all factors — but the other factors here, including participants in the unrest, participants in the violence, are under investigation”

The President himself, in front of the United Nations, continued the theme almost two weeks after the attack. “The future does not belong to those who blaspheme the prophet of Islam” - a clear reference to the Youtube video.

So why did the administration continue to go down that road when they clearly knew it was not true? Their actions and accusations about the video likely sparked deadly riots in other countries, like Pakistan. 23 people reportedly died in Pakistan riots while a paid TV ad by Obama and Hillary Clinton apologized to them for the offensive video.

So the admin had to keep downplaying the events and the impact. The four deaths were simply “bumps in the road” or it was “not optimal”. Anything to keep from having to answer the hard questions of why it had spiraled out of control.

Was it all a cover-up of their failure to provide more security to the embassy, which might affect his chances at being re-elected?

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Muslims Offer Support for Obama

(Associated Posers) - Many in the Middle East believe Barack Obama failed to deliver on promises of a new U.S. approach in the region but still prefer him to presidential rival Mitt Romney, who they see as too close to Israel and too keen to project U.S. military might. Compounding the challenge, the Middle East is a region where perceptions of fading U.S. influence have been hardened by Arab uprisings that have toppled dictators who were longtime U.S. allies, bringing Islamists in their place. "I am one of those who is very much disappointed with Obama," said Hassan Nafaa a professor at Cairo University.

“He did try to spare Muslim feelings by blaming the attack in Benghazi on an infidel, he gets brownie points for that, although his highlighting an offensive video did cause massive deadly riots in many cities”

"He didn't deliver ... But I think he is much better than Romney," said Nafaa, who listened to the Cairo speech in June 2009. "I don't appreciate at all the right wing in the United States with their preference to use extensive military force. We saw the contortions that Barack Obama will go through to support the Muslim Brotherhood and this is pleasing to us.”

Much of the Middle East has changed dramatically during Obama's first term. But the upheavals of the "Arab Spring" that ousted entrenched autocrats in Tunisia, Egypt, Yemen and Libya were driven by the street rather than U.S. policy, even if U.S. and European warplanes assisted Libyan rebels.

Far from winning praise, some Egyptian activists criticized Obama's administration for being slow to embrace the change. “He has stiffed Israel's dog Netahnayhu, but he did not support our Islamic revolution and Sharia governments quick enough to suit our tastes. Obama was too easy on Mubarak at points and the American administration did not play a full role in supporting the Egyptian revolution," said Mohamed Adel, a spokesman for the April 6 movement that was at the forefront of the 2011 uprising that toppled Hosni Mubarak after 30 years in power.

But he said Romney was not an attractive alternative for Egypt or the region, describing him as more "aggressive" and citing the Republican's threats to U.S. aid to Egypt during September protests at the U.S. embassy over an anti-Islam film.

Yet Iraq is one place where Obama has had an impact by withdrawing U.S. troops, although Romney has accused the president of being too hasty.

That was acknowledged by Alaa al-Saadoun, an Iraqi Kurdish lawmaker. "The work Obama did withdrawing American forces from Iraq made a difference. If the Republicans were in power, they would not have left," he said “Without this action it would have been impossible for Iran to supply and support the Assad administration in Syria. Iranian convoys now have free passage since the US troops are gone”.

But even as that military intervention was ended, Obama has ordered U.S. drones to kill militants in Yemen and Pakistan, enraging many in the region. Romney has backed this action.

“We have to give Barack Obama a mixed grade, maybe an Incomplete” said Ashwari Al-Abdel , a journalist “While we think he is much better than Mitt Romney, the Bush Clone, he is still doing too much to placate the infidels in his country. Hopefully in a second term, free of political constraints he can fully show us his support, that is our fervent hope”.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

OSCE to Monitor US Election on Zombie Rights

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC – While some Republicans worry about the long lists of deceased or illegal voters being registered across while many foreign-based military personnel aren't being given the opportunity the vote, the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe is sending 150 'observers' to keep an eye on Republicans.

“We will report any efforts to suppress the free and fair vote” said Herman Gehring-Hess “In that vein, we have recruited observers from Cuba, North Korea and Myanmar to assure a fair polling”

Already some Republican governors have moved to block foreign election observers, saying it is treasonous to let foreigners decide the election. Mississippi Governor Bryant said he would do what it took to keep foreigners from influence the vote. This has brought condemnation from La Raza who accused Bryant of “intimidating” undocumented Americans.

The OSCE also reported that moves in Texas, Florida and other states to deny the vote to zombies and dead voters was “antithetical” to democracy. “Denying the vote based on status of living or dead is an insipid form of discrimination.”

Hugo Gomez, observer from Cuba agreed “Limiting the voter pool to living, legal citizens is a debasement of real democracy. We applaud those courts that have stated this and encourage authorities to follow these rulings.”

Li Sun An of Myanmar explained “While the US is supposedly a first tier country, the election system it employs is far beneath world standards. The US needs to learn from countries like Cuba, North Korea, China, Venezuela and others in this regard.”

The OSCE monitors are focusing on Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania. “This is where we believe the Republicans will try to steal the election by denying the vote to so-called 'zombies', those voters who are deceased” sad Hugo Gomez.

“We have come at the behest of civil society organizations concerned that the voice of the people might be suppressed by those Republicans in power. The Black Panthers, AARP, Occupy America, Organizing for America, New America Foundation and the Obama administration and other reasonable moderate organizations. There is more than reasonable evidence to suggest the Republicans plan to challenge the right of the dead and foreigners to participate. For instance there are reports in the New York Times

When asked about states not sending absentee ballots to military personnel overseas the OSCE observers were dismissive. “These are able-bodied people, we have no concern about those who take these tours willingly.”

“We are most concerned with purging of electoral rolls” Gomez said “It is obvious they want to deny the vote to those who have passed on through no fault of their own”

Saturday, October 20, 2012

President Obama Claims Economy 'Roaring Back'

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC – Many people missed it in the first debate when President Obama said that his policies have made the average American better off enough to buy a new car or a computer. Despite the fact that those average American incomes are down by more than a few thousand dollars and prices for everything from food, electricity and gasoline have increased- some by a lot.

The claim was hardly mentioned after the debate through all the hoopla about how challenger Mitt Romney “won” the debate, but the fact is that the claim has not gone away. So how exactly does President Obama define “better off”, some observers are wondering?

The price of gasoline was a major point of attacking George Bush and Republicans in 2008 but the President now claims that gas prices being twice as high is a sign of a better economy. Economists are flummoxed by the notion, saying it makes no logical sense. “Gas prices were getting higher four years ago and he claims it was an economic mess, but now the same thing is a good sign?”

Harkening back to the 2008 campaign Barack and Michele Obama denounced the notion that higher income meant “better off”. They, instead, encouraged people to join non-profit organizations or activist organizations, even if they would be paid less, “to make a difference”. They denounced the notion of making more money being the “American Dream” as “middle class-ism”.

With new economic figures showing that more people are using Medicare and Medicaid than there are full time private sector workers, the cost of entitlements are almost certainly going to be a defining issue in the 2016 election. Observer Leon Hartsky, of the Hartskey Institute says “It is not optimal to have more people receiving than people giving. The people paying for all of this face a heavier and heavier burden until they decide to shrug it off”.

As America watches subsidized corporations fall into bankruptcy after receiving large amounts of taxpayer money, often without producing a product, many are starting to wonder if this policy makes any sense at all.

“Solyndra is just the tip of the iceberg. These companies get massive amounts of taxpayers money, their executives are well paid for a while and then the companies shut down. Does this make any sense for any reason besides politics?” One economist asked “He highlights these corporate handouts as 'saving the environment' but often we are funding these companies that produce no useful products whatsoever”.

“Taking money out of the economy to subsidize unproductive ventures is extremely wasteful but it also shifts investment away from where it might do some real good” Leon Hartsky explained “All this does is give some politicians a very temporary talking point or photo-op about 'creating jobs' where none exist except phantom jobs funded by taxpayers. Many of these 'jobs' cost a million or more each”.

Observers suggest rather than roaring back that the economy is teetering on the brink of disaster and the end of the Bush tax cuts could push it over the top. “Even the lowest tax bracket will see their tax rate increase from 10% to 15%” one said “This is obviously not a 'tax on the rich' unless he defines rich as anyone with a real job.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Jesse Jackson Jr: Mental Illness

(Associated Posers) – CHICAGO, Illinois – United States Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. admits what many observers have suspected for years. That he is mentally ill. The admission comes as federal corruption investigators tighten the screws trying to find out how much money he took in improper influence-peddling schemes.

A former associate said he is confused that JJJ went into politics “He has never been very good with people, I was never sure he ever really liked people”. Another said Jackson would prance around the sauna naked, dancing and singing to himself. “He was flamboyant for a guy who is supposed to be straight”. The former associate also admitted that “Trey-J” as his “homies” call him often “threw down the bossest parties with powder and expensive ladies not that cheap crack or skinny trunk stuff”

Although Jackson is not “actively” campaigning to regain his seat he is still spending money on campaign advertising at about the same rate as his opponents. Jackson is expected to retain the seat in his heavily Democrat district.

The source added Jackson, who is being treated for bipolar disorder during his four-month absence from work, is trying “to stay focused and calm to enhance his treatment and is just following doctor’s orders.” Jackson, who is also being investigated by the Feds, sees his doctor twice a day.

Meanwhile Illinois Governor Patrick Quinn says he sees no reason why Jackson should resign his seat. In an interview broadcast by NBC Chicago television, Quinn called his fellow Democrat "a friend" and said he saw no reason why Jackson's absence while being treated for bipolar disorder should interfere with having his name on the November ballot.

Jackson was treated for at least six weeks at the Mayo Clinic this summer for bipolar disorder, according to his congressional office. On September 7, his office said he had been released from the clinic and returned to his home in Washington but had not returned to work.

Asked if Jackson might be too mental ill to serve in Washington his spokesperson answered “He's a Democrat and he fits right in, it's hard to tell a sane Democrat from one who is mentally incompetent. I mean, just look at Vice Presdent Joe Biden, he is an inspiration to the mentally ill community”. The Democrat Party of Illinois says that "crazy" is not a good excuse to keep someone out of Congress or off the bench if they are a judge.

Jesse Jackson Jr., 47, is the son of Reverend Jesse Jackson.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A Republican appears at ObamaFest 2012

(Associated Posers)- LONG ISLAND, New York – Mitt Romney showed up on time at an Obama campaign rally held at Hoefstra University. Obama sycophant Candy Crowley led the so-called “debate” in as pro-Obama manner as possible, filling in for the role of his missing TelePrompTer.

At one point Republican candidate Mitt Romney accused the President of taking almost two weeks before he called the attack in Benghazi, Libya a “terrorist attack”. Obama and the moderator said this was not true. “Get the transcript” Obama said, in what was almost surely a scripted move, because Candy Crowley just happened to have one, although from a faulty source- the administration.

On Que Michele Obama led the applause for the President from the “undecided audience” that was later revealed to almost all be Obama 2008 voters. The problem was that Romney was correct, but Crowley only admitted this after the program when tens of millions of eyeballs were no longer watching.

Even with the deck stacked against Mitt Romney and being inundated with so many falsehoods that he couldn't challenge all of them, he still managed to virtually tie the President according to insta-polls from the TV networks. On the economy NBC gave Romney the win by a 54-40 margin. President Obama continued to argue that people were doing better than they were four years ago, contrary to all evidence.

The so-called moderator Candy Crowley interrupted Mitt Romney 28 times and President Obama only 8 times, usually to helpfully offer liberal talking points.

CBS Instapolls said Obama narrowly "won" overall, but on the issues it came out as... Economy: Romney wins 58-40% Health care: Romney wins 49-46%. Taxes: Romney wins 51-44%. Deficit: Romney wins 49-36%. Strong leader: Romney wins 49-46%.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Stupid People: A Global Phenomenon

(Associated Posers) - SEOUL, South Korea - Everyone has seen third world countries collapse their economies like Zimbabwe, Argentina and the way Venezuela seems to be doing. We all have seen how fiscally irresponsible Europe and the United States have become. Rushing head-long into brick walls over and over and expecting different results.


France is ready to jump-start economic collapse by electing a President who immediately launched the 75% income tax. You can hear business owners and wealthy individuals scramble for the exits. The result is going to be less money moving around, less money invested, fewer jobs, less revenue and a lowering of the standard of living. It is as obvious as rain.

Then you have the European sovereign debt crisis as countries try to get a handle on the runaway spending. Or at least pretend to. They could easily become Zimbabwe writ large.

You have China, its government knows it is in trouble. With exports down due to the global economic slowdown they did the worst possible thing they could have done. They went on a "stimulus" spending spree building entire cities that lie dormant, massive public works projects. The result is that their hollow-shell economy is cracking like a Fabergé egg being stepped on by a horse.

Imagine that you live in a country under the gun of a hostile neighbour, literally miles from embedded artillery emplacements. You see the world in a death spiral due to unconstrained debt spending, especially spent on the unproductive sectors. Your hostile pal to the north is a "workers paradise" where 99% of the population live in grinding poverty without access to suitable healthcare or even food and water.

Meanwhile your nation is a top-7 economy. Your nation enjoys freedom. Your leaders are elected. Your media is free to criticize them. Your people are free to choose their own education and employment opportunities. A country where 97% graduate from high school.

But somehow, after just a few years of recession you are willing to chuck it all for the "feel-good" notion of "welfare for all". You have to understand that this is how the totalitarian state to your north came to be. You have to know that this idea is unworkable in the long-term. You have to know that this will change your nation for the worst for decades to come, at least.

This simply proves that stupid people can exist everywhere. That people exist who will toss common sense and sanity for catchy slogans and shallow, hollow ideals of "equality" or whatever.

But hardly anywhere will you see such rank stupid on display as this one:

Tax the 1% Rich; Welfare for the 99%

Does anyone really think it is possible for 99% to be on welfare? Seriously? Don't they know that people try to escape from countries that attempt these idiotic ideals?

Monday, October 15, 2012

President Vows More Funds for "Green" Companies

(Associated Posers) – MIAMI, Florida- President Barack Obama beat back criticism of his “green energy” policies by vowing to increase funding for solar and wind projects. Under attack for spending $90 billion on subsidizing by Republican challenger Mitt Romney on companies, many of which have gone bankrupt, the President was steadfast in defense.

“By the way, yes, my plan will reduce the carbon pollution that is eating our planet because climate change is not a hoax,” Obama said at a campaign rally at the Bank United Arena at the University of Miami. “More droughts and hurricanes and wildfires, that’s not a joke. That’s a threat to our children’s future, and we can do something about it.”

This week, the House Energy and Commerce Committee announced it is seeking information from the Department of Energy about a $400 million loan to Abound Solar, which recently filed for bankruptcy. Abound was the fifth stimulus-funded green energy firm and the third to file for bankruptcy after Solyndra and Beacon Power. Obama vowed to pay for the subsidies by taking away tax breaks to oil companies. Oil companies are not subsidized, they simply receive the same tax benefits other manufacturers get.

“Economists like to point out that fossils fuel energies provide real jobs and cheaper energy without the need for taxpayer support” said a White House spokesperson “The problem is that there is no political control there. Who's in charge when companies aren't getting run by Washington? It's anarchy. Besides these green energy executives are Obama supporters and they are paid very well through these subsidies. They need the subsidies because they are not likely to ever produce products people actually want to pay for.”

Climate scientist Arlen Binford, who points out that he receives no government grants and so is unbiased points to “global warming” as the present hoax. “30 years ago it was global cooling and overpopulation, we were all supposed to be dead by now” he said “The fact is that the world was warmer 2,000 years ago than it is today. They were growing vineyards in northern England for crying out loud.”

Newest polls show Obama leading Mitt Romney by 3%*, as he continues to energize his supporters following a big win by Joe Biden over Republican VP prospect Paul Ryan. His move to take Florida away from the Republicans is aimed at making all of the other swing state result meaningless.

“If we get Florida, we got this” said spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter.

*- (Poll results are =/- 8%... sample was 44% D/ 35% R and 21% I)

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Sunday Funny

Can You Spot The Mistake on This South Korean Home Store Advertisement

Pretty funny.


Friday, October 12, 2012

Meet The Swing Voters Who Will Decide This Election

(Associated Posers) - MARIETTA, Ohio – The Presidential campaign appears extremely close and there is even talk of an electoral college tie, which would throw the whole thing to the US House of Representatives. The consensus among political watchdogs points at Ohio as the ultimate swing state in this election, the winner of Ohio could very well win the White House. Both Republican challenger Mitt Romney and incumbent President Barack Obama, the Democrat, are campaigning heavily in the state.

There are several possible swing districts within this swing state but the 6th district could be the one that moves the whole state from one candidate or to the other. Representative Ben Johnson (R) took the seat from 2-term incumbent Charlie Wilson in 2010, a big year for Republicans, but this year Wilson is fighting to get his seat back.

Within this district is Marietta, a town of about 14,000 people. This is coal country and the Obama administration has made people upset with his “war on coal” as some call it. A lot of Ohioans in the coal industry are out of work and many know their jobs could be on the line.

One such local is almost certainly going to be the voter who puts one candidate over the top and thus the election. At 555 West Montgomery Street, just a block from the Old Saint Mary Cemetery is a light blue wood framed house belonging to Robert Surrey, 38, who works at the Washington County Fairgrounds but complains the job is only part time.

“Everyone is being made part time” he said grumpily “That ObamaCare thing and the mandates are causing it. On the other hand, my daddy and his daddy have always been Democrats”

Another possible swing voter in this swing town, in this swing district, in this swing state could be Stephanie Cutter. She claims to be an independent although admits she works in the public sector, but declined to give specifics.

“Barack Obama has been a good President” she said “I don't take issue, really, with the lies and cover-ups, it's all in the name of national security after all. You can't trust the Republicans, they have a tendency to say what they really believe and then keep their promises. That is just not something we should look for in a politician.”

Asked how that makes her an independent she answers “Well, it looks like I might lose my job for political reasons. I may be thrown under the bus because of my outspoken support for funding Big Bird and that Benghazi isn't a real issue, just a Romney talking point. If that happens, I might not vote for the President”.

At the Papa John's Pizza near Don Schaly Stadium, we ran across Mitch Connor who recently lost his job as a contractor for a coal mining company. He told us that his union had split from the national organizations and supported Mitt Romney.

“The President is spending, taxing and regulating this country into the poor house” he said “It's pretty obvious on this side of unemployment”

Down Pike Street in this picturesque riverside town we came across Nelly Walker at the K-Mart who told us that she has several “Obama Phones” and absolutely thinks the President is doing a great job for the country.

“I have several dogs and kids and I have registered them all to vote several times” she said proudly “I've got a good two dozen votes for Obama. We do right by Obama and he will do right by us. We can't let those racists put our people back in chains, like Joe Biden said they will and we can't let them ban tampons and kill Big Bird neither!”

“President Obama pulled this country back from the brink” she said “Sure, unemployment is higher now, gas and food prices are higher and food stamps me and the dogs get don't go so far but I'm getting another dog to make up for it”.

Will one of these people be the voter who chooses the next President?

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Winner Is.... (No Satire Version)

RNC: Biden interrupted Paul Ryan 82 times

(Associated Posers)- Gesticulating and waving his arms like a mad-man throughout much of the debate, Vice President Joe Biden and moderator Martha Raddatz interrupted and talked over Republican Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan continuously. Pointlessly aggressive for no apparent reason, Joe Biden also giggled and acted exasperated by the answers Paul Ryan gave- before he gave them.

On the hot issue of security for the consulate in Benghazi, Libya Vice President Biden directly contradicted his own administration and the documented facts. "We weren't told they wanted more security. We did not know they wanted more security there," Biden said

In fact is the consulate had requested security so many times that the State Department told them to stop it.

The Raddatz-Biden tag team did not try to match Paul Ryan for command of facts, instead they relied on the "tried and true" pattern of talking the opponent down and trying to throw him off balance. Paul Ryan proved pretty much unflinching in these moments, if not able to quite beat back the duo.

Immediate comments on twitter and other sites showed that viewers thought Biden was coming across as "creepy" and often "insane". Critical comments directed at Paul Ryan included words like "wimp" and "weak".

The overall lack of seriousness by Joe Biden probably caught a lot of viewers off-guard, the smirk, the laughing- are not real appropriate when discussing things like high unemployment, terrorist attacks and religion.

CNN’s Gloria Berger said that she would have liked Biden to show less “condescension” and “eye-rolling.”

Even MSNBC’s Chris Wallace — who thought that Biden won the debate — said that Biden “was openly contemptuous and disrespectful” of Ryan.

If you think that Vice President Biden had to shut down the debate with constant interruptions, then Biden won. If you tuned in for facts and substance, then Biden might as well have been replaced by a hand puppet.

Admin: Never Blamed Video for Libya Massacre

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC – Appearing on CNN's Piers Morgan program Democrat National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz defended the administration's handling of the Benghazi terror attack aftermath. When asked about the several different stories put forth by the administration she denied any of them were lies.

When Morgan pointed out that these explanations were completely wrong Schultz responded by saying “Well that doesn't mean it was false”.

Host Piers Morgan had to call her on it. “What?! Now wait a minute. If you put out a false statement, then it's false, it's wrong. It's both of those things.”

“The words mean exactly what we mean them to say when we say them” Schultz responded “There is no other meaning to confer onto them. You can not hold me or this administration to our past statements and promises. That would be racist.”

The US State Department now denies blaming the Benghazi terror incident on a 'protest' caused by a Youtube video, despite statements by the Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and UN Ambassador Susan Rice. The government now admits there was no protest held. Charles Krauthammer responded to the idea that the government denies blaming the video on Fox News Special Report.

“So everything that Susan Rice said was a confection, it was an invention. And as you showed, it was repeated again and again. You had Hillary Clinton speaking about the video as the body of the ambassador was lying next to her. Then you had Susan Rice spinning the tails. You had the president of the United States addressing the General Assembly more than two weeks later talking about the video, the insult to Islam, et cetera. You have this entire story going all along.”

For more than a week the US government seemed to squarely place the blame on a Youtube video for the violence in Benghazi that left 4 Americans dead at an undefended consulate. The consulate had requested more security and were denied each time.

At the UN President Obama mentioned it in passing saying “The future does not belong to those who blaspheme Islam”

Ambassador Susan Rice now says “Sure, we said and did all that but we always had that caveat that an official explanation will follow the investigation. Those were just personal opinions, not official government statements. We can say all we want as long is there s that caveat in there to cover out asses should we be lying through our teeth like were doing”.

Meanwhile, Jen Psaki who testified in front of Congress defending blaming the video “Innocence of Muslims” was quite snarky on Air Force One en-route to another fundraiser. She said President was the only candidate in the race who is fighting for Big Bird. About 6% of Sesame Street's budget comes from government.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Lohan joins K-Pop Band? News Briefs for 10-10-2012

News Briefs

Lindsay Lohan goes Korean?

(Associated Posers) – LOS ANGELES, California – Lindsay Lohan, 26, is set to audition for a spot in a Korean pop music (K-Pop) girl group called "Just Say Oh". After fleeing her home in the aftermath of police visits and reportedly accusing her mom of using cocaine, Lindsay and her mom Dina apparently got into an altercation after mom didn't pay back a $40,000 loan, which was to be used to save their $1.29 million home from foreclosure.

Some believe the whole thing won't go anywhere and that the band is looking for publicity. A spokesperson for the band "Just Say Oh" ("juseyo" in Korean means "Please, give me") said they had no comment at this time.

Turkey forces Syrian plane to land

(Associated Posers) – ANKARA, Turkey – A Syrian airliner flying from Russia was forced to land in Ankara by Turkish Air Force F-16 because they suspected the aircraft was funneling weapons to the Syrian government. The Turkish government says they found what they suspect are missile parts. Syria and Turkey have traded cross-border artillery strikes.

Okahoma boy, 7, receives Nobel Prize

(Associated Posers) – OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma – Toby Jacobson was as surprised as everyone else when he was awarded a Nobel Prize for his “future potential to benefit society”. The boy says he hasn't done anything to deserve such an award except when he jokingly spray-painted his soldier action figures pink. In 2009, Barack Obama was also awarded a Nobel Prize for potential.

IRS: Solyndra Bankruptcy plan all about tax avoidance

(Associated Posers)- WASHINGTON DC - The Internal Revenue Service urged a bankruptcy judge to reject solar panel maker Solyndra’s bankruptcy plan Wednesday, saying it amounts to little more than an avenue for owners of an empty corporate shell to avoid paying taxes. “The undeniable conclusion is that tax benefits drive this plan,” attorneys for the IRS wrote in a bankruptcy pleading. Arguing that the bankruptcy court ought not confirm a plan “whose principal purpose is tax avoidance,” attorneys said in filings in U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Delaware that the tax breaks would be worth more money than funds set aside for creditors.

Restaurants Going Part Time?

(Associated Posers) – BUSINESS – DARDEN restaurants will focus on part-time employment to avoid costs associated with the Affordable Care Act, also known as “Obama Care”. The move comes after the company leaders had supported the ACA and the President, the move has drawn criticism of hypocrisy from conservatives. The chain owns the Olive Garden and Red Lobster among others.

HK billionaire will pay to make daughter gay

(Associated Posers) – Hong Kong – In a penthouse apartment overlooking the bustling city below Chinese billionaire Ceasar Chao Tse-Wang made it clear that he would give $64 million to any woman who could make his daughter gay. “I'll disown her if she is straight” he says “I am very disappointed in her choice of boy friends”. His daughter Gidget laughs, “I might try it just for the cash”.

China scoffs at MS malware accusations

(Associated Posers) – SHANGHAI, China – After Microsoft inspectors found malware and spyware being installed in computer at the factory, the country is denying widespread attempts at industrial espionage. “These charges are completely groundless” said a statement from Mai Wei Xang, with the Office of Electronic Manufacturing of the Trade & Industry Ministry. There has been no word from the US Commerce Department about the Microsoft findings.

Obama Rep calls House hearings "outrageous"

(Associated Posers) - WASHINGTON DC – With testimony taking place in front of a US House Committee about the lack of security at the US Consulate in Benghazi where 4 Americans were killed in what the government now admits was a terrorist act, the Presidents' representative Jen Psaki appeared on CNN to call the hearing “outrageous”.

“This is a political stunt to change the topic away from Mitt Romney's failed economic and social policies” she said “There is no reason for anyone to worry about why our embassies are unguarded”.

Documents released from the administration show that the staff of the consulate had been begging for weeks for more security. Documents also show that officials of the State Departments had a policy of refusing to send more security, instead relying on outsourced and local security, this order was also signed by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. They even advertised a $13,000 security position giving preferences to people in same-sex relationships. Apparently there was only a single security officer at the consulate.

Jen Psaki said the hearings and accusations were all “outrageous poitical accusations”.

“The administration is providing information they had access to at the time. And the intelligence community has come out and said that this was an organized act of terrorism. But for us, it’s not political. For the President, it’s not political. And it’s unfortunate it’s being brought to that” she said.

But for more than a week after the deadly attack the administration and President Obama refused to admit it was a terrorist attack. Saying that the incident took place because of outrage over a short video on Youtube during a protest. The government now admits that there was no protest at all and that 100+ armed men, some with rocket-propelled grenade launchers, did not just happen to meet up and decide willy-nilly to attack the consulate.

“These are just distractions by the right-wing conspiracy” Psaki told CNN “The real issue of this campaign is funding Sesame Street and not denying free condoms to college students at prestigious, ivy-league universities who are dating wealthy heirs. The real issue is not that our embassies are unguarded in tumultuous locales, it is that we need to get more Chevy Volts purchased by the federal government sent to these places”.

Jen Psaki said “Barack's friend, Martha Radditz, is moderating the Vice Presidential debate and will keep the debate on topic. This is all about the Republican War on Women, and that is what Paul Ryan needs to be hit with. The President attended her wedding, so she owes us one”.

When asked about the President's accusations that Mitt Romney wants a $5 trillion tax cut for the rich, she stated “Well, that wasn't true, but we aren't going to surrender the issue. We are going to keep pounding Romney with that. We have to protect this economic recovery from the ravages of his proposed tax and spending cuts”

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Big Bird, 1%er, Backs Mitt Romney

(Associated Posers)- NEW YORK CITY, NY – A controversial but highly misconstrued statement by Mitt Romney during the first Presidential debate has generated a lot of comments on the internet and in the media. The comment that candidate Romney does not want to borrow money from China to pay for Sesame Street “purposely taken out of context” says a spokesperson for the company behind the Sesame Street television program.

“The fact is we do not get any, or almost any, direct government subsidy. PBS does pay us a broadcast fee to be able to air our show though” a source inside the company tells Associated Posers. “Without PBS we could easily move over to one of the commercial cable channels and be just as successful.”

Makers of the show have not only disputed Mitt Romney's implication that they are on corporate welfare, but have demanded that the Obama campaign stop using them as examples of good public expenditures. A statement released from the Sesame Workshop demanded that the Obama campaign pull video ads from their website.

In an Associated Posers exclusive statement, Big Bird, whose real name is Allen Saunders, explains why he supports Mitt Romney for President. “People think, because I am in the entertainment industry, that I would support the left- but the left is too dishonest. They pretend to be the party of the middle class but their policies would bury the middle class. Their ideal world has a few super wealthy elite running the country and everyone else mired in “noble poverty of the masses”. Look, I am richer than Mitt Romney, I have been in this business for 43 years. I have learned a lot about the real world in that time.”

On education: “We have spent 43 years trying to undo the damage of government schools by teaching the basics of the English language and math. Can you imagine if children in kindergarten and first grade on up didn't have that? There'd be a lot more kids graduating who couldn't read their diploma”

On culture, ethics: “Again, we have been trying to instill values of family and ethics and that there is a right and a wrong in children. We are fighting an uphill battle in today's culture but it is a fight that has to be fought if we want to save kids from a lifetime of misery”

On economy: “You cannot build a thriving economy on the idea of redistributing wealth while you cut off the generation of new wealth. The economy is not a static thing, it is fluid, dynamic. If people are better off not working than working then many will choose not working, if money is safer invested in China than invested here, then it will be invested in China. On every score the left of today fails to understand basic economics. You can't spend your way out of debt or tax yourself into prosperity. It sounds like and is common sense and leftists just do not have that”.

Allen Saunders says he doesn't like some of the things that Sesame Street has done over the years but that overall it is a good, wholesome, conservative program. “It shines so brightly because it is pretty unique among the liberal media. A program that explains, or attempts to, language, numbers, reality and common sense to small children before the media and government schools can get their destructive paws on them”.

On current politics: “The left is just using this statement, taken way out of context, as a political weapon, even though if you understood anything, it would make no sense. They know a lot of people don't pay a whole lot of attention to politics and will fall for it. The fact is they know that Sesame Street and I are wealthy enough not to need government handouts, and we get none or almost none, and this scare tactic is all based on lies”.

“Even my friend Oscar wouldn't take their crap and he loves trash”