Sunday, November 25, 2012

Soy Ice Cream Shop Shuts Down

(Associated Posers) -EAST VILLAGE, New York City-The shop was called "Stogo" which meant "Soy To Go". They made ice cream out of all natural, non-dairy, gluten-free ingredients like soy and hemp. The store location was on fashionable Second Avenue in the East Village.

"We are all lactose intolerant and vegan" said customer Diega Rodriguez "I'm sad to see it go, I just don't see how it failed really"

Owner Juni Ishimori wouldn't admit to how much the rent is in the high-rent neighborhood but said that sales were up before Sandy hit. "That pretty much killed the business" she said "Customers just stopped coming".

October was a good month, with higher than expected sales, but the shop still could not afford to pay the rent. "Sandy was the last nail in the coffin" Ishimori admitted. So, no more Soycolate Toffee Deluxe, no more Hempside Hammer, no more Melamine-Free Melon Cream, Milkless Berry Boobs and no more No Nut Nutty Nabobs for the customers.

"Often customers would just come by to say hello" Junie Ishimori said, trying to look cheerful but with a look that expressed the idea that saying hello didn't add a penny to the bottom line. "My back up plan is a lesbian coffee shop in the Bronx" she said "We won't charge, we'll let the customers decide how much it was worth"

"This is much more important than Twinkies" she said "I just don't understand how we could fail. We got huge debts, haven't the politicians always said that debt creates jobs? Well, here are nine more jobs that vanished. Apparently spending money you don't have isn't very stimulating at all"

After catching her breath she decides to take a different tack. "I blame Sandy. Sure we couldn't pay the rent in October, sure it made no sense to have nine employees with my customer base, but I'll blame the storm if anyone asks. I'll not sound unpatriotic to President Obama."

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