Thursday, November 29, 2012

Deny Obama A Participation Trophy

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC – The moderate Republicans who look for any excuse, no matter how flimsy to join the Democrats on any issue are “troubled” by the inability of Susan Rice and this administration to offer a reason to forget about Benghazi. This administration does not care to attempt to offer any plausible reasoning for its bald-faced lies to the American people for two weeks after the terrorist strike against the US mission in Benghazi, Egypt.

Immediately after the terrorist attack this administration attempted to place the blame on a youtube video for “inflaming” Muslims and said that a protest against the video got out of hand and turned violent. Now we know that this President was told within a day or two that there was no protest against the video. Indeed, he was told straight up that this was a planned and executed terror strike.

So why did this administration and their media minions continue to trot out the lie that this had something to do with an online video? Why did Susan Rice get the order to appear on the Sunday morning talk shows to blame the video instead of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton? Did Hillary refuse to do the lying that Susan Rice was all too happy to do?

While the President blamed a video, even standing in front of the United Nations declaring “the future does not belong to those who blaspheme Islam”, he knew and had known the truth for weeks.

White House spokesperson Jay Carney said today that the President is “not particularly concerned” about whether or not Susan Rice mislead the American people.

He also doesn't seemed to concerned about a lot of things. He seems to believe that showing up and giving a speech will solve problems. Like the devastation that Sandy left behind in New York and New Jersey. It has been nearly a month and many people still wait for the “immediate help” they were promised.

It's okay. He was given a participation trophy for showing up. Governor Chris Christie and NYC Mayor Bloomberg lavished him with praise for his “response to the storm” before he had done anything more than show up for an hour and make a speech.

That is also how he got his Nobel Award. He didn't have to actually do anything to “earn” that, he just showed up. It was sort of like a Nobel Participation Trophy.

When it comes to the so-called “fiscal cliff” which is a euphemism for “holy crap, we can't afford this, let's pretend to fix this” he will doubtlessly show up and demand a trophy. He won't actually do a thing to fix the economic problems that his policies are making worse, but he will give a speech and look to be lavished with praise as if he had.

It is long past time to take off the training wheels and for the media to actually get interested in making this President act like a grown up. It is high time for the press to stop handing out those daily certificates of merits and little gold stars to this White House for simply being present. It is high time those Republicans in Congress who still have a spine stand up and say it like it is.

“No More Trophies for Showing Up!!”

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Soy Ice Cream Shop Shuts Down

(Associated Posers) -EAST VILLAGE, New York City-The shop was called "Stogo" which meant "Soy To Go". They made ice cream out of all natural, non-dairy, gluten-free ingredients like soy and hemp. The store location was on fashionable Second Avenue in the East Village.

"We are all lactose intolerant and vegan" said customer Diega Rodriguez "I'm sad to see it go, I just don't see how it failed really"

Owner Juni Ishimori wouldn't admit to how much the rent is in the high-rent neighborhood but said that sales were up before Sandy hit. "That pretty much killed the business" she said "Customers just stopped coming".

October was a good month, with higher than expected sales, but the shop still could not afford to pay the rent. "Sandy was the last nail in the coffin" Ishimori admitted. So, no more Soycolate Toffee Deluxe, no more Hempside Hammer, no more Melamine-Free Melon Cream, Milkless Berry Boobs and no more No Nut Nutty Nabobs for the customers.

"Often customers would just come by to say hello" Junie Ishimori said, trying to look cheerful but with a look that expressed the idea that saying hello didn't add a penny to the bottom line. "My back up plan is a lesbian coffee shop in the Bronx" she said "We won't charge, we'll let the customers decide how much it was worth"

"This is much more important than Twinkies" she said "I just don't understand how we could fail. We got huge debts, haven't the politicians always said that debt creates jobs? Well, here are nine more jobs that vanished. Apparently spending money you don't have isn't very stimulating at all"

After catching her breath she decides to take a different tack. "I blame Sandy. Sure we couldn't pay the rent in October, sure it made no sense to have nine employees with my customer base, but I'll blame the storm if anyone asks. I'll not sound unpatriotic to President Obama."

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Detroit Urban Renewal "Impossible"

(Associated Posers) - DETROIT, Michigan - Large portions of the city are abandoned, many large buildings are delapidated and not worth repairing according to a report from Coopers & Lie-brand Consulting. The city of Detroit faces a bleak future as its population dwindles, as does it's tax base.

"It's a death spiral" said Urban Planner Douglas Spikes "Nobody wants to admit or talk about it, not the Mayor, not the City Council".

Flashy television commercials and half-time concerts at Detroit Lions games don't change the fact that the city that has fallen so far from its heyday in the 1920's is not finished falling yet.

"General Motors and Chrysler got massive bailouts from the federal government, but both companies are cutting back production in this country, especially this city" said one financial analyst "It is not a good idea to put all your eggs in one basket, and the result is obvious"

Large parts of the city are almost completely vacant but instead of trying to repair and upgrade existing buildings, some want to build new condo's out of shipping containers.

Angela Morse, a nurse at Detroit Central Hospital says "It's like something out of a horror movie. Imagine living in shipping containers while one of the worlds great cities literally crumbles around you".

"The city is broke" said City Financial Analyst Ted Stephens "We might be able to save money by turning off street lights and cutting back police patrols and fire department protection but the fact is even those marginal things are tough to do with a unionized workforce"

While the school system considers paying parents to come and pick up report cards or paying kids to show up, they also want to have welfare benefits cut off from those families who are truant. "It's a real carrot and stick approach. It probably sounds extreme to most Americans, but in this city extreme is the only way to be noticed" said school counselor Meghan Williams.

Douglas Spikes answers calls for "urban renewal" by saying "In this city, urban renewal means razing entire blocks and leaving them vacant. In this city urban renewal means abandoning entire neighborhoods to lawless gangs and low-lifes. Anyone thinking we can repair these problems without making this city attractive to private investment again is delusional"

"The money just isn't there yet there is a very organized resistance to any kind of logical reforms.." by which Douglas Spikes refers to the Michign Welfare Rights Organization that is fighting tooth and nail to keep residents from paying the going rate for water service.

The MWRO acts as a clearinghouse for Detroit residents to keep recieving "all the welfare benefits they deserve". With it's own radio program on WHPR and a corps of activists the organization fights for every penny of welfare dollars from every source.

"Sooner or later the money is going to run out" Spikes says "and these people who are dependent on the system are going to be left to fend for themselves, yet will be the least able to do so. If you think supporting yourself and your family is filling out welfare forms, how are you going to find food when there is none"

Sunday, November 18, 2012

A Labor Victory Over Hostess

RADIO TRANSCRIPT. Joe Label has bakers' union boss Frank Hurt on the show

HOST: "Welcome back to Union Talk Radio, I'm your host Joe Label, our guest this hour is Bakery, Confectionary, Tobacco and Grain Millers Union President Frank Hurt. First I want to congratulate you guys are a major victory this week, taking down Hostess all the way to liqudation! Brilliant job"

FRANK HURT: "Thank you Joe, yes, it was a magnificient victory indeed for the workers of this country. A great victory for organized labor! A god day for America and our future."

HOST: "What does the demise of Hostess mean to you?"

FRANK HURT: "It means that big business and corporations cannot continue to exploit the working class without consequences. It means that we have shown that labor still has the power and should have a seat at OUR TABLE, not theirs during negotiations"

HOST: "So, this is a warning to corporations all over America?"

FRANK HURT: "Yes it is. We refuse to be slaves for the bottom line. We refuse to work for piddling wages while the fatcats take home millions to their mansions on golf resorts. We can no longer be treated like indentured servants"

HOST: "First caller, on the Teamster line, we have Mac Johnson. Welcome to the show, Mac, what's on your mind?"

CALLER: "Unemployment. I drove a truck for Hostess, we Teamsters saw the bottom line, and the company was dead broke. We took their deal, because we wanted to keep our jobs. Now we have thousands of union brothers without jobs, without any support. Your a one percenter Mr. Hurt, you make a quarter million a year off the back of union members, are you going to feed my family and pay my rent? You put us out of job and now you celebrate from your fatcat offic.........." [dial tone]

HOST: "We seemed to have lost that call. You must have a bad cell there, Mac. I couldn't really make out what he was saying anyway."

FRANK HURT: "No matter what anyone says, we achieved a great victory over exploitation. We have defeated "The Man" and by any measure, this was a true and impression victory for the working class"

HOST: "We have another caller, from Orlando Florida and it's one of your boys, Frank. We have Juan Rodriguez, hola Juan!"

CALLER: "Yes, I worked at the Marita plant. We stood strong and brave against the onslaught of corporate greed. The local Union representative told us that if Hostess is forced to liquidate another company would buy it and give us our jobs at our normal pay and benefits, how long will this take?"

FRANK HURT: "Well, obviously we cannot and did not promise that another company would reopen the plant and give you your normal pay and benefits back. That isn't even the point anyway, what you and your brothers did was to drive a stake through the heart of exploitative capitalist pigs, and you should be proud"

CALLER: "The thing is, Mr. Hurt, I need a job. I've been striking for months, the unemployment benefits are running out, how am I supposed to feed my kids? and my wife, she's like HUGE, you know?"

FRANK HURT: "Eggs need to be broken to make omelets, Juan, we have to keep our eyes on the big picture."

CALLER: "Also, do I need to keep paying dues? I'm pretty broke right now, being unemployed and all..."

FRANK HURT: "Of course, it is always important. It should be your top priority to keep paying your dues. You have to support the movement, Juan, it is more important than anything, even eating. You have to see the big picture. We are winning and soon, nobody will be exploited again because of what you and your brothers did."

HOST: "That is touching and inspirational, Mr. Hurt. You are an awesome role model for every exploited worker in America. Now we have one last caller, Andrew McCall, welcome to the show Andrew!"

CALLER: "Mr. Hurt, companies across America are cutting hours and jobs to avoid penalties and mandates in ObamaCare. How are we supposed to get new good paying jobs when they just don't seem to exist anymore?"

FRANK HURT: "These corporations and businesspeople have proved themselves unpatriotic and disloyal to their own workers. Where is loyalty in the workplace these days? This government must clamp down and punish these companies for doing what they do. In a perfect world we would all strike and shut them all down, only then will Americans be free of exploitation, when there are no companies left!"

CALLER: "Then what? Sounds like we'd starve..."

HOST: "That's all we have time for today, we'll be back tomorrow with Richard Trumpka and he will explain to us how to help Obama subdue the capitalist system! Onward Union Brothers!"

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Lemonade Mogul Targeted by Government Nannies

(Associated Posers) - Ganes, Idaho - April McAffee thought making and selling lemonade would be a good summer time business in the factory town of Ganes, Idaho. Her and some friends decided to corner the market and open locations all over town, word spread and antipation built. The local media had covered the event and even Mayor Valerie Jones said she planned to be at the opening of April's 4th street location.

"The kids said they wanted to do this to make a little money toward college and it just ballooned, the whole town was excited" Mayor Jones said.

The whole town had gotten in the mood for lemonade until the visits by IRS and OSHA investigators. They prodded the city and county attorneys not to ignore local ordinances on street side vendors, just because they were kids. Meanwhile the IRS began issuing citations concerning unpaid labor of children and their parents.

"Apparently all the hoopla, as far as the IRS agents was concerned, had turned this into a commercial business" The Mayor explained "They were also insisting that the city enforce ordinances that would regulate these lemonade stands".

City Attorney Reed Callahan told Associated Posers "We relunctantly agreed that it was not proper to exempt a business simply because it was run by children or because they were going to be temporary in nature."

Adult supporters covered the $165 temporary business permit fee while other regulations forced the kids to reduce the number of locations from two dozen to a half dozen. Portable refrigerators had to be used to please the county health standards, and this cost money as well. The number of her friends, family and schoolmates involved had to be lowered from more than a hundred to under fifty, or April McAffee would need to buy health insurance for her unpaid workforce, as per "Obamacare".

"These government officials have taken something fun that had the whole town excited about participating and made it a reminder to all what is wrong with this country" Mayor Jones said "This reflects badly on the city, the county and the federal government and how we relate to the citizens"

"We recieved complaints from local merchants concerned about the possible loss of business due to unfair competition" said the Chief IRS Officer in Idaho "Obviously government should not cater to one business at the expense of competitors, it creates an uneven playing field It is wrong to give one competitor an advantage in the market simply as a political favor, and it looked to us like Miss April McAffee has some friends in high places"

Meanwhile April McAffee was daunted by the task of filing the appropriate health and tax documents concerning where she obtained her supplies and how much was spent for them.

"I won't be able to make and sell lemonade for more than 28 hours a week or I'll have to buy health insurance" April said "I thought I was covered by dad's policy, but I was told this might not count if I was classified as self-employed"

This left her dispirited lemonade business idea abandoned. She appeared on the local city-owned cable channel with the mayor saying she might start a car wash as a charity. Within hours the local representatives of the EPA and the state Water Conservation Board began calling the mayor for more information.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Backlash Against Layoffs Conspiracy Rises

(Associated Posers) – NEW YORK CITY – As a wave of layoffs sweeps the country, some observers are critical of businesses that cite new rules and regulations as reasons for the cut backs. Restaurant chains such as Applebee's, Red Lobster, Olive Garden and Papa John's have all announced plans to cut worker hours to below the 30-hour threshold for ObamaCare regulations kicking in.

Gorden Systems, which manufacturers plastic pipe, says it will layoff 40 of it's 79 employees, the rest will see reductions in work hours. John Gorden, founder and President explained “This is a very unfortunate situation. The cost of doing business under the new policies rise to being prohibitive and all businesses have to cope with it. We are transferring a lot of our manufacturing to our Mexico affiliate”.

Meanwhile Caterpillar, which manufactures heavy machinery, is also cutting back while building a massive facility in Mexico. Thousands of jobs are on the line there. These are just the tip of the iceberg as hundreds of companies have already announced layoff plans and workhour reductions. Many will institute changes without public pronouncements.

“The fact is that every business in America is affected” said Kay Stanton of Stanton Consulting “The cost of doing business and the way employees are hired will all change. For many retail operations it will make economic sense to hire 2 part timers instead of a full timer with benefits. It will be cheaper to get 60 work hours out of 2 people than 40 work hours from one”.

Meanwhile critics have risen. Shanelle Quandra Lee Hamsptead of the United City Alliance says this simply proves that capitalists and big business hate the poor. “This is all racism and classism. The excuse of “economics” is so much joo-joo. The Obama administration must ban companies from making these kinds of changes. I don't care if they all lose money, they must provide the jobs this country needs”

The Reverend Joe Jessie Johnson agrees, saying “Economics and profitability is the biggest sin facing this country. If a business must lose money to do the right thing, then it should lose money. It is their patriotic duty! It is also a moral duty.”

The liberal Move Forward Campaign for America says it is already drafting proposals for laws that would outlaw layoffs. “Economic need is not good enough. This country re-elected Barack Obama for the purpose of moving this country beyond economics and we must follow through. For the sake of everyone in this country and our future, we must abolish the pursuit of profits”.

Shanelle Hampstead also reminded her Facebook followers that “Need is a higher calling than Math. Those who work have a moral obligation to continue funding the programs this country depends on, they must never be allowed to stop doing this. It is treason to stop paying taxes just because your business loses money”

The conservative Taxed Too Much League decries such talk as “Idiocy. They are attempting to deny reality and basic math. Talk of overcoming economics is silly, it will lead to nothing but poverty and privation on an unimaginable scale.”

The Reverend Joe Johnson says the answer is prayer. “We must pray for an end to the notion that one must be exploited in order to “earn” a living. A living shouldn't be earned, it was given to us as a gift from God. They have stolen our existence and we are taking it back”.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Election Aftermath: Layoffs Coming

(Associated Posers) – Staten Island, NY - Hanna Dugaway stood in knee-deep water as she announced her vote for Barack Obama. A week after hurricane Sandy came through she is still waiting for FEMA to bring an MRE, “Meals Ready to Eat”.

“He looked very Presidential” she said “That is really the image I had when I voted, or maybe I was just close to starvation but the Democrats were giving food to their voters, so it was an easy choice”


The aftermath of the re-election of President Barack Obama was immediate as dozens of companies announced large-scale layoffs. Restaurant chains like Red Lobster and Olive Garden announced plans to only hire part-time workers for less than 30 hours a week. A solar glass company in Las Vegas employing 114 announced it was letting 22 people go.

“It no longer makes any economic sense to expand or hire more employees” said the CEO, David Charleston “It costs less to hire two part-timers for 30 hours each than one person for 40 hours because of these new rules”

Companies from Medtronics to Boeing announced layoffs on or after Election Day. Chrysler-Jeep is seriously considering moving operations to Europe and Asia. The United States has the highest corporate taxes on the planet, analysts said, add on the harsh regulatory environment and unpredictability of the government policies and it is not a good place to do business.

Also announced were new coal restrictions that could lead to much higher electricity prices. “It's an indirect tax on the people of this country, government making the prices of everything go up”

Meanwhile at the end of the year the “Bush tax cuts” expire and if they are not renewed the lowest tax bracket could see rates go from 10 to 15%.

“I guess the liberals in this country now see someone making $35,000 a year as filthy rich” said a GOP advisor sarcastically “All you hear about is taxes on the wealthy, but do other people not pay for gas or electricity or food? The Presidents policies are making the prices of those items increase enormously while it will soon be hard to find a job. Don't worry though, if you can't buy health insurance, you'll just have to pay a fine.”

“Apparently, the President won re-election because women decided that someone else should pay for their birth control pills” said Election Data Analysis head Autumn Greenberg “The pills you can get for $9 a month at Wal-Mart are too expensive for them? Do they not think that skyrocketing prices, falling incomes and no full time employment might also be pretty expensive?”

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Obama: Pre-Election Interview

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC – President Obama is no math whiz. He let's Michele Obama carry the credit cards and make most of the important buying decisions. This became much easier when they got to the White House and the budget became pretty much unlimited.

“I am a math dummy” the President explained “I can't even help the kids with their homework. Thank goodness we have Elena Kagan around to tutor them these days”

Running for President in 2008 he told an NPR station that under his plans, electricity rates would “necessarily” skyrocket. The friendly media immediately understood that this was something that could hurt his election chances and hushed it up, along with his cigarette habit.

“Thank goodness for my friends in the media” he said on the eve of re-election “Without their help I would never even come close to getting re-elected. I will reward my friends and punish my enemies in my second term, that is a promise”

On Medicare: “Sure cutting the amount we pay doctors might have an impact, but we also have penalties for those doctors and hospitals who don't like it and try to work around it.”

Asked if there could be negative causes and effect from cutting reimbursement rates the President shrugged “I don't care. I think we did the right thing, older people should understand that sometimes it makes no sense to get a new hip at their age”

On the deficit: “We've had deficits for decades, it's not a big deal. $16 trillion is chump change, and it is not an immediate problem for this generation. It might be a problem for Greece and Europe and other countries but that is only because they didn't have good leaders like this country and France or Venezuela”

Congress: “I'm not worried about dealing with Congress in a second term. I will rule by Executive Order. We don't need Congress anymore. I can and will govern without Congress. Out with the old and in with the new. Congress has abdicated it's powers to the executive branch and now they have no more.”

On Chrysler: “It is a bit sad that Chrysler and Jeep will probably move their operations to other countries, just like it is sad that most new General Motors vehicles are made in foreign countries but that is the price this country pays for not having high enough taxes and strong enough regulations.”

On Hurricane Sandy: “I was there, I took a picture with a woman and I flew to Vegas. I am extremely happy to have seen a polling bounce from that act. Give FEMA a few weeks and they will have food and water and gasoline going smoothly.”

On Benghazi: “Look, I don't want to talk about this. My lawyers tell me not to talk about it. All I will say that we took swift action the day after the militants went into that compound. I don't think we could have done anything differently in the midst of a campaign.”

Plans for a second term: “Well, you know the Bush tax cuts expire. That alone will have a wonderful on the economy. People will be sending more money to Washington and this is always a good thing and makes government wealthier, which is the whole point. This will allow us to hire more bureaucrats and control more of your life. I have some new mandates ready to go. We will mandate what percentage of your grocery bill will go to fruits and vegetables, we will mandate that everyone join a health club or buy an exercise device like a treadmill, we can do these things under the so-called “ObamaCare” law that was passed through my leadership.”

Green Energy Loans: "Look, I understand that some people have a problem with the government giving money to failing corporations. Especially when those companies don't have a marketable product. I also know how it looks that sometimes they fail anyway and the high-ranking executives who donate to my campaign walk away with a lot of money. I just want to stress that supporting green technologies is important for the future. Mine included."

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Election Prediction: Victors of the Battleground State Spoils

(Associated Posers) – ANALYSIS - There are states that will almost always go Democrat or Republican even if those parties nominated a rock or a ham sandwich. The balance of the Electoral Votes come from the so-called “Battleground States” that can be swayed by either party. They may be swayed by good looks, tender words or promises of government pork but they always make sure to run up the price at auction.

Nevada – (6 Electoral Votes) Harry Reid and his union pals have a lock on the state. Although Barack Obama early in his first term excoriated Las Vegas and more or less encouraged a boycott, the unions of casino workers backed him anyway, even fining and threatening union members to vote properly in 2010 to keep Harry running the US Senate. Obama wins Nevada.

New Hampshire- (4 Electoral Votes) Formerly a conservative-leaning bastion surrounded by left-wing “people's republics”, this state has become home to many refugees from the same left-wing states as people escape from liberalism, only to continue to vote for what they ran away from, that is why Barack Obama wins New Hampshire.

Colorado - (9 Electoral Votes) Colorado has its cities of leftwingerism but recently it has gone to pot, literally. The drug addled minds of Coloradans cannot handle the ability to reason logically and they like laughing at Obama's big ears when he is on TV. Barack Obama wins Colorado.

Florida - (29 Electoral Votes) A state with a lot coastline full of imported freaks, winter liberals and old people. The state where voters confuse Al Gore and Pat Buchanan and a lot of people who speak Spanish have nothing to do with Mexico, somehow usually picks conservatives in Presidential elections will do it again. Mitt Romney wins Florida

North Carolina - (15 Electoral Votes) A state one could call bi-polar. One year they could elect a weird liberal Governor (who is ashamed to share a history with South Carolina), then send a moderate Republican to the Senate, host the Democrat Convention and then turn around and give a big win to the Republicans for President. This they will do in 2012. Mitt Romney wins North Carolina.

Wisconsin- (10 Electoral Votes) After a protracted budget battle, liberals failed to unseat the Governor, weakening the power of the unions. Now this normally liberal state has a “favorite son” on the Republican ticket with Paul Ryan. Ryan will bring home the bacon, or cheese, to his party. Mitt Romney wins Wisconsin.

Virginia- (13 Electoral Votes) There are a massive number of new federal employees inhabiting Northern Virginia in the DC suburbs that have moved the state ever more leftward, but the balance this time is not in their direction. The economy under Obama has gotten decidedly worse and this allows the Republicans to win this time. Mitt Romney wins Virginia.

Iowa- (6 Electoral Votes) A state with a small population that enjoys being one of the first primary states a bit too much, otherwise who would pay them any attention? Well, with massive amounts of subsidies and mandates that force ethanol into gas tanks, despite it being uneconomical and hazardous to engines and not very eco-friendly, this state will fight tooth and nail to keep their piece of the pie, that pork pie. Barack Obama wins Iowa.

Ohio- (18 Electoral Votes) While everyone in Columbus might have their own “Obamaphone” and everyone in Cleveland needs their EBT's as they watch their traditional economies crumble, not everyone in Ohio is enamored with the welfare state. You also have to wonder about the voting machines turning Romney votes into Obama votes during early voting. Coal mining is and was a major part of the economic output of this state. The President's “War on Coal” makes some wonder what industry he'll go after next. Mitt Romney wins Ohio.

At this point Mitt Romney already has 276 Electoral Votes, enough to become the next President of the United States of America.

Pennsylvania - (20 Electoral Votes) This state is the site of some of the last minute campaigning, a surprise because it was supposed to be in the pocket of President Obama. This state was not supposed to be a battleground state at all. While the state might tilt for the President in the end, the momentum is all for Romney. If Romney wins this state as well as the others, it gives him 296 Electoral Votes and would end any real chance by the Democrats to steal the election through the courts and recounts. My guess: Mitt Romney wins Pennsylvania

Friday, November 2, 2012

NY Mayor Assailed For Storm Response

(Associated Posers) – NEW YORK CITY – Mayor Michael Bloomberg is being accosted from all sides for his decision to hold the NYC Marathon as scheduled. With food and generators being diverted from the victims of Sandy, the voices of discontent have gotten louder. Residents of Staten Island say the worst hit are the most ignored.

“Even in the worst of times and in bad situations we must always allow ourselves the small pleasures, like the marathon. The marathon is truly a sport of the people, and I am sure that all of us will need a few hours break from the hard times” the mayor said.

When asked if there were any other 'good things' coming out of the disaster he answered “Calorie intake is down, people are losing weight and that is always a good thing. Soon we might be the least fat city in America”.

Borough President James Molinaro says FEMA nor the Red Cross have done much for Staten Island, the site of some of the worst devastation. He urges people not to donate their money to the Red Cross but to get resources to where it is needed the most.

“You know, I went to a shelter Monday night after the storm. People were coming in with no socks, with no shoes. They were in desperate need. Their housing was destroyed. They were crying. Where was the Red Cross? Isn’t that their function? They collect millions of dollars. Whenever there’s a drive in Staten Island, we give openly and honestly. Where are they? Where are they?”

3 large trailer-mounted generators have been diverted by the City of New York away from relief efforts to power tents for the NYC Marathon, which had not been canceled at the time of this writing. The race organizers say they are paying for the generators, they were reserved long ago.

There are reports of organized looters, home invaders dressed as electric utility workers, fights breaking out in gas lines and dumpster diving as desperate people search for food. While downtown Manhattan still has power enough to host celebrity-studded parties and movie premier events, much of the city is still struggling for basic services.

“We have to have priorities” said an event coordinator for Gala Consulting “Holding Bett Midler's Hula-ween Party and bringing James Gandolfini and Tina Fey to the big NBC event should not be canceled just because someone doesn't have a sandwich somewhere. How does canceling a spectacular, fashionable event help those people? The NBC event will raise money for the Red Cross, sure none of the rich celebrities will donate money, their being present should be enough, like with the President”.

Meanwhile Staten Island residents are beginning to wonder why they have been ignored and forgotten amidst the hurricane relief efforts. “It looks like Katrina” a woman waiting in a gas line told us “Everything is gone. It's a shattered city. Do we have to wait until after the election to be noticed?”

“In Rockaway, we have no power, no food, no water, no gas” a man said, surveying the site of a burned building “We also have no FEMA, no Red Cross. We do have fires and stagnant flood waters. This is not a fit place to be, is anyone actually paying attention? Just because there is power in Times Square doesn't mean it's all better now”

Thursday, November 1, 2012

"We're going to die" ungrateful New Yorkers Whine

After President Barack Obama's praiseworthy flyover and photo-ops, some locals are still not happy.

(Associated Posers) – NEW YORK CITY – Unsatisfied with the unbelievably great response by President Barack Obama to the devastation left by Sandy, some residents now claim they have been left for dead. 3 days after the huge storm swept through the region President Obama and FEMA have received high praise from Republicans like the Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie and the mayor of New York City Michael Bloomberg, who just endorsed the President for re-election.

In spite of this acclaim some residents of New York City claim to have been left behind to fend on their own as in a Mad Max movie.

“We’re going to die! We’re going to freeze! We got 90-year-old people!” Donna Solli told visiting officials. “You don’t understand. You gotta get your trucks down here on the corner now. It’s been three days!”

Staten Island was one of the hardest-hit communities in New York City. More than 80,000 residents are still without power. Many are homeless, and at least 19 people died on Staten Island because of the storm. Groups of people have been spotted at grocery store trash dumpsters looking for food in other parts of the city.

“I cannot believe the level of whining” one Democrat Party official as he entered a celebrity-studded party at a posh hotel near Times Square where the power is still on. “The President gave some wonderful photo-ops, hugged a lady at the airport and flew over to see the wreckage. What else can you expect?”

Staten Island resident Mike Abuzzio’s home is completely gone, with only his floor boards remaining. He, his wife and their two young daughters have been staying with relatives.

“My youngest daughter yesterday said, ‘Daddy, I want to go,’” Abuzzio told ABC News. “I told her, ‘It’s going to be awhile, hon.’ She doesn’t understand. She’s 6.”

In the rubble that was once his home, Abuzzio found one clean, intact plate of Christmas china. He said that plate will be special at Christmastime and will be used specifically for his mother’s cookies.

“This is America, not a third world nation. We need food, we need clothing,” Staten Island Borough President Jim Molinaro said today. “My advice to the people of Staten Island is: Don’t donate the American Red Cross. Put their money elsewhere.”

The Red Cross and the National Guard arrived in the area late Tuesday and are distributing food, water and gas – and city officials say things are much better.

The mayor of New York City Michael Bloomberg said everything was already improving drastically and to prove this did not cancel the New York Marathon. “There will also be a free Bruce Springstein concert. Seriously, I don't understand the problem. You just can't please some people”

Wind Farms Causing Climate Change, Study Suggests

(Associated Posers) – WASHINGTON DC - Wind farms affecting climate change. The so-called “green” technology is causing temperatures at the surface to increase, a new report finds. The new data is unlikely to influence government subsidies and regulations that promote wind turbines any time soon though.

Liming Zhou, Research Associate Professor at the Department of Atmospheric and Environmental Sciences at the University of New York, who led the study, said further research is needed into the affect of the new technology on the wider environment.

"Wind energy is among the world’s fastest growing sources of energy. The US wind industry has experienced a remarkably rapid expansion of capacity in recent years,” he said. “While converting wind’s kinetic energy into electricity, wind turbines modify surface-atmosphere exchanges and transfer of energy, momentum, mass and moisture within the atmosphere. These changes, if spatially large enough, might have noticeable impacts on local to regional weather and climate.”

The study, published in Nature, found a “significant warming trend” of up to 0.72C (1.37F) per decade, particularly at night-time, over wind farms relative to near-by non-wind-farm regions. Studying satellite weather data scientists say the change has become more obvious as wind turbines become more common especially where large wind farms exist as in China and Texas.

The study read: "Despite debates regarding the possible impacts of wind farms on regional to global scale weather and climate, modelling studies agree that they can significantly affect local scale meteorology."

Professor Steven Sherwood, co-Director of the Climate Change Research Centre at the University of New South Wales, said the research was ‘pretty solid’.

Guy Bore from the Climaxion Center for Climate Action says the new data is disturbing. “This means that physics also applies to green technologies. We were truly hoping that since the intentions were good that the weather gods would give us a break. Apparently, and this is quite distressing, the law of Conservation of Energy doesn't exempt wind turbines”.

George Adam Takei of Glory Hole Apple Orchards said the new study was not a surprise to him and many others in the industry. “We have used fans to change the temperature at orchards for decades. It can help keep apples from freezing on the margins, extending the growing season and allowing a larger harvest”.

Holding up a Red Delicious “They come out pretty as well as juicy, the kind of apples we like the most here at Glory Hole Orchards”

Government mandates and subsidies would have the number of wind turbines growing exponentially over the next decades. This large scale wind farming could bring negative affects to regions of the country.

“This needs a lot more study” said Guy Bore “If the findings hold up, it could mean drastic changes are needed in government energy policy. It would completely change the complexion of the environmental movement too”. If the study was backed up he said his organization, Climaxion, would likely begin to press for the end of any electric usage.

“Over the past decades we have come closer and closer to the idea that all usage of energy is a bad thing, but this news was disheartening. How are we going to convince the public and government officials to cut back on all energy usage? I think many people will conclude we are a bunch of kooks, but we have to do what is necessary. We don't want to be dragged back to the past where the climate was warm enough to grow vineyards in Scotland, do we? If the warming trend continues we could see the oceans become calmer, like they were when that evil man Christopher Columbus crossed the Atlantic and terrorized the so-called 'New World'. That is the kind of thing we need to stop from happening in the long term”.

Guy Bore didn't stop there. “The last thing we need is for the unwashed masses to put this story next to the story about weather and conclude that wind turbines caused Hurricane Sandy. That kind of crazy connection is something only people on our side are supposed to do”.