Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Big Bird, 1%er, Backs Mitt Romney

(Associated Posers)- NEW YORK CITY, NY – A controversial but highly misconstrued statement by Mitt Romney during the first Presidential debate has generated a lot of comments on the internet and in the media. The comment that candidate Romney does not want to borrow money from China to pay for Sesame Street “purposely taken out of context” says a spokesperson for the company behind the Sesame Street television program.

“The fact is we do not get any, or almost any, direct government subsidy. PBS does pay us a broadcast fee to be able to air our show though” a source inside the company tells Associated Posers. “Without PBS we could easily move over to one of the commercial cable channels and be just as successful.”

Makers of the show have not only disputed Mitt Romney's implication that they are on corporate welfare, but have demanded that the Obama campaign stop using them as examples of good public expenditures. A statement released from the Sesame Workshop demanded that the Obama campaign pull video ads from their website.

In an Associated Posers exclusive statement, Big Bird, whose real name is Allen Saunders, explains why he supports Mitt Romney for President. “People think, because I am in the entertainment industry, that I would support the left- but the left is too dishonest. They pretend to be the party of the middle class but their policies would bury the middle class. Their ideal world has a few super wealthy elite running the country and everyone else mired in “noble poverty of the masses”. Look, I am richer than Mitt Romney, I have been in this business for 43 years. I have learned a lot about the real world in that time.”

On education: “We have spent 43 years trying to undo the damage of government schools by teaching the basics of the English language and math. Can you imagine if children in kindergarten and first grade on up didn't have that? There'd be a lot more kids graduating who couldn't read their diploma”

On culture, ethics: “Again, we have been trying to instill values of family and ethics and that there is a right and a wrong in children. We are fighting an uphill battle in today's culture but it is a fight that has to be fought if we want to save kids from a lifetime of misery”

On economy: “You cannot build a thriving economy on the idea of redistributing wealth while you cut off the generation of new wealth. The economy is not a static thing, it is fluid, dynamic. If people are better off not working than working then many will choose not working, if money is safer invested in China than invested here, then it will be invested in China. On every score the left of today fails to understand basic economics. You can't spend your way out of debt or tax yourself into prosperity. It sounds like and is common sense and leftists just do not have that”.

Allen Saunders says he doesn't like some of the things that Sesame Street has done over the years but that overall it is a good, wholesome, conservative program. “It shines so brightly because it is pretty unique among the liberal media. A program that explains, or attempts to, language, numbers, reality and common sense to small children before the media and government schools can get their destructive paws on them”.

On current politics: “The left is just using this statement, taken way out of context, as a political weapon, even though if you understood anything, it would make no sense. They know a lot of people don't pay a whole lot of attention to politics and will fall for it. The fact is they know that Sesame Street and I are wealthy enough not to need government handouts, and we get none or almost none, and this scare tactic is all based on lies”.

“Even my friend Oscar wouldn't take their crap and he loves trash”

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