TSA: Child Abusers "Uniquely Qualified" as Screeners

TSA scrapes bottom for "good" agents?

(Associated Posers) -PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania – The Transportation Safety Administration admits that finding people who want to pat down and strip search grandma and the kids is a recruiters nightmare. “We have advertised on pizza boxes and offered to ignore certain transgressions in one past, such as drug use, in order to find these screeners” said a spokesperson for the TSA who wanted anonymity.

In a statement to Associated Posers, the TSA said, “Every single TSA employee undergoes a comprehensive background check, which includes criminal history. An allegation alone does not warrant dismissal or automatically disqualify applicants from employment with TSA. The Privacy Act of 1974 prohibits TSA from disclosing information from our employees’ job applications and employment records.”

A string of incidents from stolen items being found at the homes of TSA agents, which a former agent labeled “a culture of deceit” to multiple groping allegations. At one point there was an acknowledgment that new scanners that show your body naked were having images stored and even printed out and traded like baseball cards. The unnamed TSA agent admitted this saying “It allows us to blow off some steam without molesting little girls, which still happens occasionally”

In a recent news report a defrocked former priest named Thomas Harkin was found working at Philadelphia International Airport for a decade and had risen to the post of Transportation Security Manager and had worked in many posts-including as a screener. He had been defrocked and fired after allegations of sexual abuse of an 11 year old girl.

“The TSA admits that child molesters are uniquely qualified to pat down and search for bombs and weapons in the pants and skirts of little girls” said a TSA official “Who else wants that job? We had to fill a lot of posts very quickly after September 11, 2001 and a lot of unsavory characters were hired”

Of all of the questions regarded the TSA, one of the biggest is this: If they cannot stop a person from carrying a loaded gun onto the plane, what is the point of their existence?