Monday, October 8, 2012

If Obama Loses, North Korea Will Take You

(Associated Posers) – Pyongyang, North Korea - Recently Jet Blue began a raffle that would award some 1,006 round trip international tickets to anywhere they fly to people who's candidate loses the Presidential election. The old saw about leaving the country if your guy loses, will come true for some lucky people.

North Korea's government has expressed official dismay that Barack Obama could lose re-election in November, as it considers Mitt Romney to be a dangerous extremist.

Today though, North Korea has taken it one step farther. The North Korean official news service KCNA has announced that it will offer 1,000 left-wing Americans “asylum” in it's workers paradise should Barack Obama lose the election.

“Kim Jong-un recognizes a fellow traveler in Barack Obama and should his leadership be deposed in the November Coup, we will offer asylum to some of his ardent supporters. We will provide apartments, guaranteed rations and every basic amenity to our new comrades” KCNA announced.

Announcing that 1,000 soon-to-be-ready apartment units in the 105-story Ryugyon Hotel, which has been under construction since 1987, would house them while permanent housing was ready. Although the news agency says the rooms are just about ready for occupancy, pictures purportedly taken by Chinese tourists earlier this year show a hollow shell inside.

While college campuses and celebrities are abuzz about the North Korea raffle, with many signing up some offer a word of caution to would be ex-pats.

“The fact is that North Korea is one of the worst places in the world to live, there is very little food security and any luxury goods are hard to come by” said a defector named Jung Won-Hee “And by luxury goods I mean basic things westerners take for granted every day such as candy, soda, laundry soap and clean water”.

KCNA showed images depicting a wonderful place, amusement park, skate park, large stadiums as enticements for westerners to defect. Jung Won-Hee has a theory “North Korea is in a bad place now and having westerners defect to them would be a propaganda victory. It wouldn't win them any support outside the country but inside where its needed it would demoralize those who secretly hope for something better. This would make their rule stronger”.

Reports suggest North Korea is in the midst of a food shortage as well as facing real shortages in electricity and other basic goods. This hasn't stopped American leftists from taking the offer seriously.

“I would go” said Sarah Smith, a student at the University of Wisconsin at Madison “I bet they let Kim Jong-un use a teleprompter like a real country”. She wasn't alone, the raffle tickets were being purchased at campuses across the country.

The UC Berkeley campus newspaper Daily Californian said it was a real option for fervent liberals in the United States. “It should never be dismissed as an option since it looks like Canada doesn't want us these days”.

“America is horrible, I think North Korea would be like heaven” said Stephanie Baer, an editor of the UC Berkeley newspaper.

Sean Penn and other Hollywood stars are reportedly on board for a PR blitz about the offer. “If Romney wins, then America loses” Penn said in an interview after attending a victory celebration for Hugo Chavez in Caracas. “We are going to go from coast to coast pumping up socialism and North Korea is a real option for escape if the right-wingers win”.

“America is horrible, I think North Korea would be like heaven” said Stephanie Baer of the UC Berkeley newspaper.

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