Exclusive: Obama has total amnesia

(Associated Posers) WASHINGTON DC- In the wake of the massive breakdown of the long-awaited, or long-dreaded, Obamacare website questions have been raised, the answers to which are even more troubling than originally thought. From the day after the inauguration of Barack Obama as President to today, the spectre of a man who doesn't remember yesterday but has his finger on the nuclear button.

It has become clear that Barack Obama has total amnesia. Sources indicate that each morning before breakfast he spends hours being briefed, not on the affairs of state and the latest diplomacy, but on who he is and who the people around him are, including his own family.

"Every morning he wakes up clueless, he spends at least ten or twenty minutes realizing that he in fact a human being and not a piece of the décor. We break out the family albums and we show him a video about his life, which include the highlights of his penultimate ascension to the Presidency." The source said "Yes, we do this every morning"

The source also indicates that golf trips are actually just a cover. These trips to Camp David are really times of more intense training and coaching because something important is going on. This explains why he takes golf excursions at the most vexing moments. "We didn't have time when Hillary let the Benghazi thing spiral out of control, and Valerie didn't want to send in the troops to help. We were really in a bad spot. Out of nowhere someone hit on the idea of blaming it all on some dumb video. It was sheer desperation, we hadn't give the President his daily briefing, I mean he thought he was a chair at the time Mitch Romney was taunting him"

The source indicated that the team handling Bo, the dog, was so unhappy that a new dog was brought in, stealing their thunder, that they threatened to tell all. "He had to cut them into the Stimulus slush fund to shut them up, of course it wasn't him, he isn't able to comprehend things like that. Michele and Valerie really make the decisions there since Hillary stopped coming by."

The source indicate that through all of this the administration has stayed the course, more or less. "They have done a masterful job of covering this up, even better than FDR did of hiding his disability."

The source suggested that on days where they let Obama be his "natural" self he is like a big child who "snokes and eats gummie worms" and that he "is fascinated by Nancy Pelosi's whiskers when she doesn't shave"

Asked how the country is supposed to absorb such information the source shrugged. "Look you got that little fish in that FINDING NEMO movie, right? People loved her, I heard she would star in the sequel. Barack Obama has the memory of a goldfish, people should love that too".